Funfair

In this turbulent economy

2011-10-18T17:56:00.000-07:00

It was interesting that WSJ published an article about the estimated cost of heavy drinking to be at $220 billion annually based on lost productivity, health care cost and the added criminal activities. It also stated that based on the 2006 survey and numbers, the cost translates to $1.96 per drink! Knowing an alcoholic first hand, I know for a fact that the non numeric facts are quite accurate if not more, and as for the $ amount data, I trust it to be somewhat true as well.

Since we are talking about cost, I have to talk about the flip side of the balance sheet which is the revenue to make the argument worth while, at least for the accountant in me. And I am wondering how much revenue does the hard liquor generate on an annual basis? How many jobs does it produce? From farming to making the booze, from glass manufacturers to bottling the drink plants and delivering it, from distributing from the wholesaler to the stores and the bars and last but not the list from the marketing to fancy advertisements, how much money each industry makes and how many people have they employed?

No beer company is complaining about tough economic time, WSJ advertises the various brands of Vodka that enter the market consistently. Every state, county and city within US has started it's own winery and promotes its own wine. This is one commodity that is recession proof, not only people do not stop buying them, but in tough times, they even buy more.

If the cost of one drink to the society is $1.96, the price of a drink in a happy hour is about $5 a drink for the consumer. One does not need to be an accountant to see the picture. I salute WSJ for publishing the article and raising the society's awareness of issues that have not only monetary cost, but social ones embedded in them, but the fact remains that as far as there is a demand then there will always be enough booze around for the consumption of the drinkers and for the benefit of employment and booze industry.

Cheers !!

New Oxford, Here we come!

2010-07-27T11:19:00.000-07:00

I have passed through New Oxford numerous times and never took the time to consider making a left or right turn on any of the side streets. We just drove through it to an auction site that we visit every once in awhile in Hanover, PA. I have to admit that we had wondered about a couple of bed and breakfasts that were around town, but we never followed our curiosity to see where it takes us. We should have!

As always I heard the tip in the weirdest places; waiting in line to mail an IRS envelope in the post office, the guy was telling his friend about an antique mall in New Oxford, PA. I did not want to look that I was ears dropping or interrupting him, but he was talking at length and by the time he was done talking he was out of the post office. I had a choice to wait another 20 minutes in line by chasing him, or wait my turn (next one in line) and Google the matter. Time restraint made me choose the latter. So….

We took I270 North towards Frederick and continued on Route 15 N towards Thurmont and Gettysburg. There are a few stops that are worth the while if you have time to stop and explore. The Cunningham Falls is on Route 15 and it is a decent place to cool off and take a dip in the lake area of the park. The hike is also a desired activity, if it is not too hot to follow the trails. Another place that is also worth looking into and I just found out about is Catoctin Wildlife Preserve Zoo just before Thurmont. The zoo features unique safari truck rides that allow visitors to touch and feed large herbivores in a wooded setting. What people don’t know is that this place has a big collection of snakes with deadly venoms for research purposes. Scientist study the venom to make an anti dote for the poison when and if someone is stung by that. Thy have rooms full of these cold blooded reptiles that hiss and move to just give you the creeps.

Upon entering the state of Pennsylvania, be prepared to take a look at their outlet just on your right hand side. The Outlet is nothing compared to the big and fancy one in Leesburg, VA or the one on Route 50, but with the limited choices that you are offered, I always get a lot of shopping done for a lot less than anywhere else. The prices are a lot cheaper and there is no sales tax!

On route 15 there are a lot of farms that in the past just sold you their produce on stands with big signs, but this time I noticed people actually walking the fields and picking up their own fruit. The trend of picking up your fruit has gotten into the border of Maryland/Pennsylvania and I guess now days this is a family activity for bonding and spending quality time together. When I stopped at one of the stands, people were picking cherries and blueberries and looked flushed, yet very happy and satisfied. The produce was as good as any other farmer market.

A few exits after Gettysburg, we finally turned into Route 30 East towards Hanover, and that is the road that we were very familiar, but not anymore! In the place that they once had all the junk stores, a new building with 10+ Movie Theater has opened and has become the attraction of the area. As we traveled down the road, I noticed that a few second hand stores are gone, but the second hand hub cab store is still working. The guy with a very small junk store has bought the whole strip and is expanding the store and renting the others to second hand shops. The bargain hunting days were over, as these stores have jacked up their prices with more trash to sell. Once, there was a real caboose that we always had ice-cream and coffee with the 4teens in it and that has closed down and an available for lease sign is posted in front. But as you get to the heart of the town with the beautiful circle and the water fountain that floats the blue water, a new coffee shop has opened that multitasks and serves a lot of purposes. The coffee shop serves as the tourist center, advertising stand and information station. The lady who ran the store asked a lot of questions from us and wanted to make sure that we had enough to do and that we were informed about the upcoming events. As we were drinking the delicious and freshly brewed coffee and some scones, we noticed that people were coming for more pound cake and apple cake that the store has been running out since the morning. They said that no one makes these cakes better than this store. I have to admit that the scones were good. There were a few bars and restaurants in that circle that were family run and packed with people. The menu looked good.

And at the long last, we found a couple of antique mall and stores that we had not noticed before and I our many various trips in the past. Nice stores, plenty to see. One of them had really antique stuff with good prices and there I saw a lot of picture frames and oil paintings that are worth buying for those who are looking for them.

As for us, we bought a few glass dishes that I can recycle, regift and resell in my world. As usual, the hubby chubby found all the weird stuff that no one ever notices and values except for him and the vendor. This time he bought a thermometer that I used to use as a child in my hometown. We had a lovely day and I do not regret one bit my ears dropping the other day. Sometimes it pays to put your nose into various affairs. I came home with old and new purchases and tired enough to have a very dreamless night. New Oxford, really recommended for even an overnight stay.

Where will I be this Saturday?

2010-07-20T13:59:00.000-07:00

Last week, the question from an acquaintance, “Are you becoming religious?” started me thinking. I knew that I was not getting more observant than I am and that was never part of the plan, but somehow I am sending this message to people. Do I care what they think? No I don’t, but….

I had to step back and look at myself from afar. It is not news to people who know me that in the past months I have been attending the synagogue almost every Saturday and special occasions and that I have been reading the book of psalm on a regular basis. I have also started volunteering again and have made some minor changes in my life. I am reading more often, but the type of books and articles have changed too. I am reading more biographies and the sort versus fiction and magazines. But I was sure curious to find out why was the need for the changes in my life and it took me a week of continuous metro ride back and forth from work until last Saturday I figured out why.

I was raised in a traditional home. I was taught the values that are very much in line with the laws of humanity and in this case, Judaism. In different stages of my life, I have attended the services for numerous reasons, but one reason has been constant from my childhood to this age and that has been the socializing part of it. As a child, we played in the synagogue with friends that we seldom met and at 4tplus, I am still looking to see friends and chitchat with them. Food was never an incentive to attend services and neither was boredom of my life or lack of things to do.

At this point of my life, I need some peace and quiet as some may call meditation. I need to balance my super busy life with something with human essence. I was so wrapped up in my daily life that I forgot about the small things in life that have big weights. I stopped appreciating the good things in my life and started fretting over things that are yes important, but on a bigger scale not that important. I was in the middle of my life and busy with day to day things that I almost forgot the bigger picture. In short the famous balance was not there, and I know it, because I was irritable, grumpy and dissatisfied all the time. I needed to remember a few things that I had forgotten. For instance, I had forgotten how I enjoy learning or the value of a good intellectual discussion. I enjoy the rabbi’s sermon, even if on days that I do not agree with him. It just adds some value t my life and you can call it whatever you want.

And for the record, even if I were looking for an answer to the whys of my life, it has not gotten me any closer to any explanations.

In conclusion, for those of you who are looking for me on Saturday mornings, if I am not at the beach or the antiquing excursions, I am at the synagogue early praying and seeking balance and peace for my tired soul. I sometimes close my eyes and just listen to the words without even understanding and I am uplifted. Just doing nothing and listening to the tunes refresh me. There is something soothing about those minutes in my day. If food is the nourishment for my body, then this hour of my life is the food for my soul that pushes me to rethink my life and strive to be a better person. Now if there is food at the end of the services, and often there is, I am not going to refuse!

They call me the Sandwich Generation

2010-06-25T20:37:00.000-07:00

A decade or so ago, when my late father in law went to the hospital for a second heart attack, an older friend welcomed me to the “sandwich generation”. When she saw my raised eye brow, she explained that this generation have both older parents that need attention as well as children who still need to be taken care of and that they (people like my hubby and I)are stuck between the two, hence the term sandwich generation. The nice analogy made a lot of sense back then and brought a huge smile to my face. I honestly found the term amusing. Imagine me being the cheese (I like grilled cheese sandwich) and the both sets of parent’s one slice of bread and the children the other. Back then whole grain breads were not that trendy and Panini was not much in style as they are now, so assumed them to be the soft white Wonder bread. The thought was simply delightful. How stupid was I??

What she failed to tell me then, and I too immature and foolish to realize, was that as I (the cheese) grow older, the sandwich just gets bigger. For instance, the bread goes from 6” sub to a foot long, and gets stale and hard as well. On the other hand, the amount of cheese in the sandwich remains the same and the inside of it gets fuller with condiments and various vegetables and sauce. Honestly at 4T++ I do not find the sandwich generation amusing any more, in fact I find it very exhausting. I think this is a real situation and lasts until…… I become a slice of bread myself.

And then I had another unorthodox thought. I think that we should first be born as parents and then become children versus what is the norm right now. I know that it reminds us the movie “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”, but I really mean that we should be born as adults and especially parents, and with that memory and experience age reversely to become children.

It is only now that I realize how I have missed on many things in my life, and how I could have done things differently as child and a youth. Now is the time that I understand my parents and feel what they went through as I was growing, even though I was an exemplary child!! I am sure that with this experience now, if I would have been born as a child, I would have not fretted over many useless things. I would not have been worried for every detail and fought for silly beliefs. I would have enjoyed life more often and laughed harder. I would have engaged myself more with family and would have been kinder to others. I would have not been judgmental and would have been more co-operative. I would have listened more to my parents and trusted them and trusted that things always work out one way or another. I would not have been afraid of the future and worry about things that does not matter in a long run. I would have simply enjoyed the freedom of irresponsibility and found pleasure in simple things such as sunset and the singing of a bird or even enjoy the day to day living. I would not have tried to please everyone or sought everyone’s approval. I would have been more of me and less of what they wanted me to be.

And about the fact that when we are born as a parent, how do we know as of how to function as parents? Well, I know that we all resent one thing or two about our parents and that we swear that no matter what, we will never do that to our children, or be like our parents. Some of us even have to see therapist to resolve some issues about our childhood to become better parents and God knows we all do try our best, to be the best as we can. But here is the truth, as parents, we will be blamed for one thing or another no matter how hard we try. There is always at least one thing that we definitely mess with our children’s lives, so I guess we are ok to be born parents first, because we are always at fault. Later, as we become children, we know through experience what can hurt our parents and what makes them proud and why, or that they are only human doing their best and basically understand where they are coming from. Are you following me???

I am feeling that not only the youth was wasted on me, but middle age is also being wasted on me and I don’t know when I should start to live? I believe that if this was the case, maybe I would have been a better cheese or either slice of the bread in our sandwich. Who knows.

Killing two birds in one shot

2010-03-22T12:39:00.000-07:00

I have learned that with age not only comes serenity, buts also some anxiety over various undefined feelings and you can call it whatever you want. However, the acute survival sense in me has also taught me to find organic ways to deal with the turbulent sensations of what ever life throws at me and that it is inevitable. And through those techniques I have learned far more than putting those butterflies in my stomach to sleep. Well more like a nap than sleep!

One of the ways that I have tried to keep my inner anxiety on leash is reading the psalms every once in a while. Of course some times more than other, but honestly, as I use to read the scripts, there are portions that really bring tears to my eyes and others that make my stomach churn. I believed that by reading the holy literature, I will only find words of kindness, wisdom, forgiveness and all the traits that I wish I had and most of the times don’t find it in my heart. And as I read through every psalm, I realize how King David was first a regular human being like me, and then a divine and holy royal figure. He has poured his heart and bared his soul over his dreams, disasters, inner turmoil and shortcomings in the verses. He even cursed and laments his enemies through his beautiful (??) verses.

I believe that if King David was alive in these days and times, he would have been a very successful country singer with a harp and not a guitar. And all of a sudden, I feel a whole lot better; King David’s royal pains are as genuine and identical to my common pains!
I realized that a person can be more than one thing in his life if the perspective is correct and his heart is in the right place. A singer and a king of a holy kingdom, and successful in both, how farfetched and conflicting is that? Second, I learned that that I am an original and independent thinker and that I see things unconventional and with a different shade and that I like that about me. If only I can find the different shade of what I think about my unregal pains and aches!

Happy happy meal

2009-11-24T16:39:00.000-08:00

It is really interesting how happy meals from McDonald are one of the good memories for my younger 4teen and me in the same direction. Even today that he is a freshman in college, we occasionally meet at a Mickey D over a happy meal and ice-cream, which is my calcium intake, to disagree some more and yell at each other for how he should live his life and that how I am wrong in every move that I make. Some things like Mickey D don’t change! Or…

He is home for thanksgiving and last week we grabbed a happy meal while I picked him up from the train station and I was determined to reprimand him for something, when something else came up. The happy meal impressed us on many levels; we were both impressed by the fact that the portions were labeled with nutritional values for each item, from fries to chicken nugget were clearly indicated, we also found the portions were a bit smaller and we could not figure out if it was because of the economy or simply a health stand, and when we got to the toy and we saw the nerf gun, we both started looking quizzically at each other. Why on earth would McDonald put a nerf gun in a happy meal? I immediately questioned the reasoning behind promoting gun, and the miracle of miracles happened and the 4teen happened to agree with me! After so many years of fighting vehemently over buying toy guns, he was agreeing with me. Ok there is a GOD after all, but that is not the point right now.

The point is that we were both confused by the fact that MacDonald doesn’t want people to die from health reasons due to unhealthy eating habits and obesity, therefore, they label all the ingredients of the foods that they serve very adequately. But with that being said, they do not mind people dying due to improper gun control and promoting gun use in our youth. In essence, they are keeping the balance, they try to save lives with healthy eating habits, but they promote death due to violence and gun use.

What are they thinking? Or better yet. Are they thinking at all? Do they need some government body to monitor their common sense as well? I don’t know who decides on these toys, but maybe a parent panel should be in charge of that.

The way I see it, the bottom line of everything is $$. I wonder if MacDonald would have labeled it’s food if their revenues did not go down, or if the trend was not eating healthier? I wonder what happened to traditional toys like puzzles, balls and figurines. I also wonder if the phrase of socially responsible companies in business text books means anything to any corporation any more.

But 4T and 4teen did bond and agree on this issue, and that is a rarity. Then why am I still complaining about issues of the society!

2009 Nobel Peace Prize

2009-10-28T06:45:00.000-07:00

And the award goes to............ President Barack Obama!
And the whole world, including President Obama, is surprised not only by the nomination, but by winning the prize. No one, even himself, believed that he deserved it. I thought that it was the comic of the day, and like April's Fool day joke, and that this one was yet another humor.

It was not a joke, but very much a reality, and the media went berserk with the news and for weeks and even up to now everyone is talking about it.

The fact that he won is not an issue for me. The fact that bothered me most is that he was the best among all the nominees and what did the rest do that his actions was the best among the worst? Come to think about it, it is kind of sad that we do not have eligible people who actually qualify for the peace prize, meaning no one is really attempting to make peace between anything and anyone and maybe this is the core of the problem of today's world.

tRUE sELF sYNDROME

2009-09-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

What is going on?? Since last week, we have all these well known people that lash out on public raido/tv, on or off the record, and then end up apologizing for it. And yes, they are forgiven for their deviating from being civilized as we forgive our children. (At least some of us do) All these known episodes happened in one lousy week, from last Wednesday to this:

1-Senator of South Carolina, with the outburst of “You Lie” when the president was delivering his healthcare speech.

2-Serena Williams with her outburst in US Open.

3-Kanye West, with his uncalled for interruption on MTV VMA when Taylor Swift was making her award speech.

4-President Obama, calling Kanye West a “Jack Ass”, even if it was, or he believed that he was, off the record.

Whether the words are justified or not is a whole different story, but what happened to freedom of speech coupled with respect? All the above people were exercising their freedom of speech, and at the same time violating someone else’s rights. I am very confused, if both party’s are at right, then who is wrong? I guess that sometimes it is hard to channel you anger and frustration through ”Constructive Dialogue”, and the old basic lashing out gets the message across more effective, of course with a price tag attached.

Be careful with what you are eating, drinking or breathing. It seems to me that a new epidemic is forming and is that it seems to be contagious! Maybe FDA should be working on a vaccine for that too. It should be called “tRUE sELF sYNDROME”, because how much they train you to be civilized and mindful, at times, your true self manifests its originality and snaps, and these cases OUCH it snapped bad.

Empty Nest

2009-09-07T09:19:00.000-07:00

I don't know how and when it happened, but all of a sudden people are nicer to me and my hubby chubby and pat our backs and more often have kinder words for us. It was only last night that I figured out why and since then, I can't stop but chuckling!

The last of my 4teens left for college last week. He could not wait to see us leave and let him be with his new life away from home. He is writing all over face book, my space, twitter and many many more "Living a good life", as if his life has started after moving to the dorms. What does this say about his first 18 years of life? And who is paying for this life good life now? But I am deviating from the main subject. This is not about them, it is about me.

So these friends are feeling bad for us for having an empty nest. I am conflicted. Should I feel bad and should I be miserable? Am I normal for feeling kind of free that almost everyone has left, or am I considered to be a bad mother? Should I be ashamed for being happy to have a portion of my life back? However I look at this situation, I can not say that I am devastated. I am sorry, but can not.

The truth is that I do not miss the nights that I laid in bed wide awake until they get home and lock the door. I do not miss the moodiness and the nasty tempers. I do not miss wrecking my head for planning and shopping dinners that will satisfy everyone, and then when after a long day of work and slaving over a dinner that was not even to my liking, no one shows up, because they have other plans. I do not miss being treated like a moron in my house while they feed me all the words that I did put into their heads. I do not miss picking up after them in the family room, their room and their bathroom. I do not miss the chaos and the untidiness of my house and God knows I do not miss the million trips to the grocery store on every day of the week. I am happy to have my computer back, somehow with all of them having their own room and laptops, my computer was always occupied and the settings were all changed to their liking. I like listening to my music versus all the loud bangs of unknown rappers whose name starts with LIL.

With that being said, I do miss our heated discussions about issues of the world and humanity. We used to sit together and reslove the problems of the world from politics to social, religion and even entertaiment and hollywood life. I miss the gossip of the teenage life and the trends and the way of thoughts. I miss seeing how they grow up mentally and intellectually through their observation of life. I loved to hear their take of incidents that happen in their life and around the world in general. I miss seeing how life shapes their ideas and their choices and how sometimes I have no part in that. I miss hearing about their dreams and goals, and was excited to be involved in it. I love being as young as they are with no limit to any dream and all my life in front of me.

Hard to explain, but in the last year or so, while they were living here with us, they were not here. Our empty nest had happened a while ago and did not start when they physically left our house. Yes, I miss them, and No I don't want to hold them back. I need them in my life, but I am not going to demand it from them. They are doing what they are supposed to do, living their lives and write their own books and making their own choices. Maybe, one day they will decide that they want us in their life, until then, I will pursue my life to the best of my ability and pray that they always make the best choices and do the right thing.

The way I see it, I am proud of them for being such a confident individuals who can face the world on their own and they do not need us to hold their hands. However, they need us to pay for the good life style that they live! Whatever we could not drill into their head, this one we sure did. That no matter what, this house will always be their house and they are always welcome.

Wondering: Just maybe

2009-06-23T08:04:00.000-07:00

These are tough economic times and I believe that as responsible citizens, we are obliged to be mindful of not only being wasteful in our home, but in our community and surroundings as well. One would think that maybe, just maybe, if I am a bit more frugal on spending someone else’s money, then one less person will lose a job, and one less company will post losses, and one less company will go bankrupt, and…. Just maybe.

Twelve days ago the younger 4teen got into a car accident that was not his fault. Fortunately no one was physically or emotionally (very important) hurt. The front of the car is severely damaged and you can only imagine the extent of the headaches that follow such an accident. The other party’s insurance called right away and acted upon doing all the right things by assuming responsibility to fix the car and also providing a rental. Me, on the other hand, being impressed by the efficiency, thought that the whole ordeal will be resolved fast, denied the rental, thinking to myself, why waste the insurance company’s funds if we can get by in a few days.

Big mistake! The person in charge of our account was changed and the new person was/is a bit lazy and procrastinator. Despite the fact that I provided all the phone numbers and calling the adjuster and hustling to move the process on, she took vacations and was totally out of the loop and asked for the duplicate information trying to blame other people for things dragging for the whole twelve days. Furthermore, when I requested a rental after a ten days, she shamelessly told me that since I have denied the first right, I may not be entitled. At that point, I lost my cool and told her that maybe I should talk to her supervisor, and miraculously things are moving along now.

How is it that I am after the welfare of the company that provides her bread and butter, yet she does not care a bit? Maybe, just maybe, some people do get their jobs for granted. I don’t know how she gets away by doing such a lousy job and still manages to be employed. Is this how we got into this mess to begin with, not caring whose funds we are spending or how bad a job we are doing? How did we get here? Were we always there or is it something sort of new? Are the parents at fault or is it the society who should tab the burden of irresponsibility? Am I a dying breed who feels that way?

The way I see it, we, as a society, are becoming a me me me me culture and we sometimes forget that at the end someone has to pay. Or maybe just maybe, we know that someone has to pay, but we don’t care who, until it becomes personal. I am so sorry for the corporate America, because they will be facing a severe rude awakening.

Is it only me?

2009-05-27T18:14:00.000-07:00

I recently joined Face book to stay in touch with the 4teen who was away for four months, and the minute I joined, I had fifteen friends lined up for me, mind you, none of them even close to my age!

No I am not that outdated, I am part of linkdIn as well, because I find it a nice informational and networking tool. I keep in touch with colleagues past and present and I have reconnected with a lot of classmates. I belong to various groups and I use their experience in my own career life.

Then I am part of a family tree website that keeps the family in touch and another one that I do not even recall the name and not too long ago I hear that twittering is a new thing. As I was debating whether I should join that or not, I sat back and reflected.

I have not read a decent newspaper or a book in a while. The last time I sat with my friend to have coffee and catch up was....? I do not know when. This online networking takes a lot of my daily time! Every morning I have to check my work, home, and personal email and answer them as well. Then I have to sign on in face book and my other networking groups to see what is going on, despite all the buzzes on my cell as someone writes something for me. By the time I am done with that, half my morning is gone and believe it or not, I have a full time job! Midday, as I recheck my emails, I have to respond to some networking mails and then I have to sign in and........ Now that I think about it, all my friends are virtual! Of course, now I know much more about them than what they want to share, because with these networking sites, I have learned to read the body language of the photos and read in between the fine lines.

As I learn more than necessary about my friends, I have noticed that they may find out more about me too, because my life is in the open out there. All my friends can see my other friends, and as I figure what people are doing, I know that there are more intelligent people like me out there that are figuring out what am I doing. I know that I do not want to share too much with them. So I have become very selective in what I write, because of the no privacy issue.

First we lost meeting with friends regularly as cell phones came along, then we stopped hearing their voices as emailing and texting became a fad and now we are in virtual places talking to our friends without that human touch. Call me old fashioned or romantic, but sometimes I like not knowing what my friend is eating for lunch or feeling today. I do not need to see all odd pictures of my friends that make no sense to me. And worse of all, I hate how I have been estranged from my normal life just trying to keep up with all these sites. It is so exhausting and adds no value to my life whatsoever.

In short, twittering is not on my agenda at this point. I am sure that everyone has a good life of his own, but now I want to resume getting my own life and I will not be sharing it with anyone either.

Memorable Adamstown, PA

2009-05-25T17:38:00.000-07:00

One of the interests that I have acquired after my marriage is picking old furniture, porcelain, jewelry, paintings among many other things to decorate my humble home and to make a few bucks here and there. Hubby chubby was the one who got me hooked into some one's trash is some one's else's treasure and between the two of us, I think that we have done not too bad. We have given our house our identity, warm, cozy, entertaining yet respectful of the past and old.

We visit numerous antique cities and flea markets that are in decent driving distances and as much as it is fun for us, it sometimes becomes a side business as well as. Last weekend (a few days ago) we decided to pay a visit to Adamstown, PA, because we heard that it is a good center for anything antique . The drive was long, but despite numerous routes that the driving directions and GPS systems suggested, we chose our own route and took I270 N from DC and merged into Route 15 North into I76 E (Toll Road) and then 222 North. The drive was partly pleasant, because we visited a couple of places like Cunningham Falls, Gettysburg and the battlegrounds and an outlet with no sales and use tax just before Gettysburg, PA. Adamstown is close to Lancaster, the capital of the Amish and also Hershey's park and Hershey's chocolate factory. If you have never seen any of those, please do. It is a must and it is really entertaining and sweet.

As we got on 222N, we started noticing buggies that attested to the presence of Amish people who provided a lot of dried herbs, vegetables, plants and candles for sales on the road. I always stock up on Chamomile tea when I am around Lancaster, because I truly believe in the healing power of the tea. No I do not suffer from tummy aches, however, sometimes stress makes me sleepless and Chamomile put my head at ease.

Adamstown is a small sized city with many antique stores for every taste and budget. The furniture is just amazing and priced to sell. The milk glass porcelain was plentiful and very inexpensively priced next to what I am used to, but the old aluminum dishes were much overpriced. The Amish sold breads and baked goods at prices very comparable to DC area and I personally thought that the taste was a bit foreign to me.

I saw so many antique stores and malls one after another that when it came 6 pm and time to close, I was not sure what stores we did cover and what we did not, because they all looked the same. The owners raved about their famous outdoor/indoor flea markets (there are two of them) that happen every Sunday and that we had to see it for ourselves to believe it. At 6pm, we decided that we are not going back and drive another Sunday for three hours just to see the flea market, therefore, we decided to stay in Adamstown and check the famous flea market that opened at 5 am every Sunday from March to November.

We looked for a decent hotel/motel in the area to accommodate us for a night stay. Prices ranged between $66 tax included up to $125 per night, with two of them offering continental breakfast all discounted and approved by AAA. Of course we chose the $66 one that did not have continental BF and that looked over a concrete wall with a nice shower and a very oddly shaped, ugly and huge room. We figured out why the room was cheaper than the rest of the town when we got to bed. We had roommates, and they were ants! Needless to say that we passed out the minute we hit our heads to the pillow. Apparently a common thing in that motel, because the wake up call @5 am never came and we had to leave our key in the room, because no one was at the front desk. Yes the motel has a name that most people do recognize it and that I am not telling!

I have to say that besides what we bought in that city that day, I came back with a few more souvenirs that are not quite as tangible as my antique clock or the chandelier that I bought. And here is what I found out about Adamstown the city, its people,and the culture.

We needed a change of underwear, shirts , tooth brush and tooth paste for the night and we thought that a Kmart or Walmart must be in the vicinity! Very presumptuous of us, because they told us that we had to go to the next town 15 miles away to find one of those (direct quote). They suggested their general store for picking up the things that we needed and I was impressed by that. While all over America towns are looking exactly like each other as if you have never left one to enter the next, Adamstown is preserving it's identity and I loved that. Big stores that are supposed to create jobs, while putting other people out of work are not welcome there. Moms and pops stores are all thriving and doing business maintaining the integrity of the city and it's identity.

The other thing that I liked about the city was the way people supported their town and it's welfare. I asked many people how the flea market was and they all told me that it is amazing. The flea market, I found, was nice but NOT amazing! I could have bypassed seeing that flea market, because I have seen much better than that in NJ and VA, but the way they advertised and told us to stay in town just to be able to see this flea market impressed me a lot and a big Hooray to the citizens of Adamstown for looking after the business of their community.

For dinner, we had limited options, a pizzeria, a dismal Chinese food or two packed pubs. We chose the pubs, because it was buzzing with life and they had told us that there is nothing to do in Adamstown after 6 pm expect to got to the pub and get drunk. When in Rome, act like a Roman and that is exactly what we did. The pub was packed with bikers, out of towners and also locals who apparently were regulars. The guests were almost all in our age and body mass range. They ate their salads in a sandwich which oddly enough was very delicious, and with every bite a glass of beer was drained. Smoking was allowed in every place of the pub, and they offered us as well, thinking that we have run out of our cigarettes and that is why we were not smoking. I had never imagined myself sitting anywhere in public with bikers with tattoos all over their bodies and here I was not only sitting with them, but conversing and cracking jokes with them as well. One of them offered me a ride on his bike. Well I did like them, but not enough to go on bike rides with them, at least not quite yet. The evening was fun and we certainly enjoyed every minute of it. I had not eaten that much greasy food in a month! The french fries was out of this world.

At the flea market, we noticed that despite their shabby boots, all these vendors wore designer jeans and drove expensive cars. They look friendly to you and they are polite and courteous, but most of them are not sincere or genuine. I noticed that if the merchandise has no price, it means that the price is contingent to your looks and it is not the real price. I also learned that you can haggle with them (I love haggling) but they must have the last word and that is the culture of the antique sellers in Adamstown.

I had a great weekend there. I shopped antiques, handmade pretzels and some rare plants that I can not find in this area. I recommend this town for the lovely pieces that they have, especially for all the people who do not understand much about antiques. Will I go back there gain? I don't know, because all I saw there in the 24 hours that I stayed there was old things and stuff. And with that being said, I had my antique fix for at least 3-4 weeks before I can spend another day in a city like that.

On our way back, we pleased our GPS by complying with the directions that it did supply. We took I76W to I83S to 695 W to I95 S to 495 and home. It was all highway and seemed faster, but it was only faster by 10 minutes. We were lucky to have no traffic, but for the future trips I will definitely take the route that took us there. Highways look fast and make an impression that they can take you anywhere on the fast track, but it is the routes that seems slower, but much more enjoyable with an opportunity of variety of things to see and do from point A to B.

It was a very memorable Memorial Weekend.

Is it freedom or restriction of speech?

2009-05-19T10:20:00.000-07:00

I have a dilemma! I believe in expressing your ideas and opinions (as if you could not tell!). I believe in humor and quick wise cracks that are NOT hurtful or intentional. I make jokes about my birth place, religion, looks, height, skills and heritage all the time. and so I suppose it should be, but where do we draw the line?

I believe that no one takes anything to heart unless there is some truth to it.
I believe that no matter what I say or do not say, I will continue to believe what I believe and one can not change my mind.

With that being said,

I also believe that insecure people make ugly comments with intent to harm or attract attention.
I also believe that those who make nasty comments about others, despite what they make think or feel make bigger fools of themselves than others.

And here is the dilemma, our constitutional rights dictate the “Freedom of Speech” and at the same time imposes the restriction:

According to the Freedom Forum Organization, legal systems, and society at large, recognize limits on the freedom of speech, particularly when freedom of speech conflicts with other values or rights.[18] Limitations to freedom of speech may follow the "harm principle" or the "offense principle…(Wikepedia)

Then how is it that even with these restrictions some people get away with appalling remarks, yet some get scrutinized. Why are some people taken more seriously than others?
How is it that we are sympathetic to one group and negligent toward the next? Do we have a selective freedom of speech right? Is hatred and jealousy interfering with our freedom of speech? Is it again all about me? What works for me is ok and the rest does not concern me?

The way I see it, every year we get more advanced, whatever that means, we lose a bit of our freedom as well and we do not even realize it. I love this age of technology and freedom from menial tasks, but I also loved when I could speak freely without thinking ten times before spitting out my words, because no one analyzed it and no one took it more than face value. If I can not speak out for what I think and what I believe, then the constitution and the basic human rights bill is very confusing to me.

I hope that someone will shed some light on these concepts for me!

Tribute to mothers of all ages

2009-05-09T12:35:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, when I named my blog 40plusgoingon4teen I was trying to be very honest, but in a fun way so that my 4teens would relate to me and read about my thoughts and get to know me and my values in a entertaining way. But as I started writing, I found out that I was not out of line choosing that name at all, because at 40+ as a woman/mother/wife/daughter, at times I still feel lost and clueless about many things like my teenagers. There are times that I still need comfort and assurance of someone who believes in me and loves me unconditionally. I need someone to guide me and to hold my hand when things do not make sense. One would think that as we grow older and our children become adults, who miraculously know everything, we have all the relevant answers and there would be nothing more that we can learn from our frail and old mothers who are robbed of their youth, and memory. As odd as it sounds, I am still feeling like a child who is learning valuable lessons from my mom, with a tiny exception, this time I am taking this lesson to heart very dearly.

My mother is a very old 83 years old woman. Not only she is in poor health, but is also diagnosed with early dementia and she forgets a lot of things, and then again she remembers many other things. She now lives in an assisted living facility with a great staff that takes physically a very good care of her. She was moved to this house, because she did not get along with various live-ins that were employed for her, and that she could not take care of herself. Needless to say that she still does not accept this fact. She is currently happy for the care and the food, but resents the fact that she is confined to this kind of home and is been stripped out of her control abilities. If we were back where I was born, she would have never been moved to an elderly home and she would have lived with one of her children, but the reality is that we are not back home and that is not very possible right now. The worse part is that we do not even live in the same country and I do not get to see her very often and our relationship is mainly over phone calls and my occasional visits, which unfortunately is not as much as I want.

As an adult now, when I look back on my childhood, I know that there are many things that I learned from her by just observing her. My mother rarely shared emotion or thoughts with any of us and despite what others think about her, I always found her a real survivor. As a child, she had a very difficult life and whatever she learned about life or anything at all, she did it by herself without much guidance or help. As crazy at it sounds, even at her situation right now, she is still a very wise woman, who can see the jest of the situation much clearer than the rest of us and I still have faith in her sayings and observations. From her, I learned to read in between the lines. From her I became an expert in body language and because of her, I myself, became a survivor.

I am 50 years old now and a mother of two adults who think that their traits, values and behaviors are mainly self invented. Little do they know? They have no clue that even today; I am learning from my mom, without her preaching or teaching me directly. Because of her, today I go two extra miles to be compassionate to the elderly people, widow or not, who are frail and forgetful and are lonely and in need of loving human contact. I realize it now, that although I had it in me, but because of her, I do understand the need of all these senior citizens better than I thought I did. Today, I have a loving compassion for my own mother in law who is also a widower exactly like my mom living in an elderly home on her own, but in a much better health wise shape. I understand her enthusiasm on Friday nights when she comes to our home for dinner to be with us and the kids for a couple of hours. Today, I go the extra mile, to make her the foods that she likes, but does not eat much, despite my demanding job and tireless hours that I work. I did all these before out of my cultural background and at times with resentment, because of excess workload that I had. Today, I do not mind the exhaustion, maybe sometimes I do, but at the end, the better side of me prevails and I do the right thing, because it is right and I understand why it is right. She may or may not remember what she ate at our house, but the joy and satisfaction on her face for having her favorite food brings tears to my eyes. When I was younger, I barely kissed her and she barely volunteered and that was perfectly ok with me. Today, I know that she enjoys my embraces and maybe needs to be loved, hugged or kissed. I do not even mind the endless repetition of stories on a weekly basis, neither her sometimes hurtful words nor being unappreciative. All, because I see my own mother and I learn to understand and be more patient. Today I volunteer in various elderly homes, even if it is visiting with a sick senior citizen for a few minutes. I shop for them, listen to them and help them with their numerous chores and demands that they have.

There were times that I did all of the above in high hopes that down the line someone will do the same for my mom. Or to be more frank, I did it, so that the karma will be kind to me as I grow old myself. I had many mixed feelings and I resented the fact that I stopped being my mother’s daughter and became some one else’s daughter. Then I learned from my mother’s life that this is not guaranteed either. Either do it with love, or don’t do it at all. Expecting good retribution in the future for all I do today does not work like insurance policy, and I have started doing more with caring and less with resentment.

I know that I am growing older and that has to do some with feeling so emotional now, but I have also began to realize that no matter how old I am, deep in my heart, I still need a mother to show me the way and to point me to the right direction. I know that she has done a great job as raising a socially responsible child who herself has raised a beautiful family away from her own family, like she did, but I don’t know how good of a daughter she has raised for herself. I have no regrets in my life, despite the many adventures that I have had so far, except for one; not living close to my parents for the past decades. Maybe my children will learn from my life, but I have learned from my mother that I am not going to stop them from pursuing their lives and their dreams, even if they grow to regret it later.

Heavy Duty Superstition

2009-04-08T07:52:00.000-07:00

I have lost some cash that I thought it was in one of my bags and it is no longer there. I have turned my room upside down and still can not find it and this is driving me nuts. I usually do not lose things and the reason I hid this money is......., well it does not matter.

So, I was talking about this to my sister and she told me to grab a scarf and to make a knot with it and search the room holding it. She said that she does this all the time when she misplaces her keys or other stuff and she is very successful locating them! My next door neighbor told me to stand in my room and recite repeatedly " St. Augustine, I have lost my money, please help me find it" and I will be able to locate my money.

Interesting! Now in this case, the health or theft issues are irrelevant, and since the puzzle is still unsolved, we are back to superstition! Many people think it (superstition) works, and for those who believe, it really does!! My husband believes that when we have a guest that has been in our house for a long time and is not intending to leave, if he turns the broom upside down, he will leave immediately. Have he tried it? Numerous times. Does it work for him? All the time and I am not kidding.

When someone leaves the house on a trip (It could be either a guest or the resident), we pour a glass of water behind him, meaning that we want him back soon into our house. If we throw and shatter a black clay pot (with the emphasis on color black) , that means that we do not want him back in this house again, ever. Elders swear that the black clay pot works fabulously! Theory untested in my household, it may not last for a long time.

I recall my paternal grandmother very well, and after the incident of the lost money and all the superstitions I remembered something that she did and I did not understand back then. She used to live with us when she was in her golden years and when her relatives came to visit her, she sometimes took a needle with thread and pinned it into a dish towel in the kitchen. When I asked her why she did that, she said that her realtives spoke too much! Now I understand what she did back then, some people indeed talk too much and sometimes actions are required to shut them up! She seemed to believe that it worked, because she never stopped doing it and was very pleased with herself. I am very tempted to try this one though.

We are talking about serious stuff here, not occasional garlic and salt that works against evil eye. We believe that nothing is wrong with us, but everything is wrong with the others. Now if this losing money incident is an early indicator of dimentia or alzheimer, we do not consider, because the saints and the scarves are going to help me locate my money. Of course leaving it in the bank is another option that we are not considering.

All about retributions!

2009-03-31T17:22:00.000-07:00

Retributions feels good and sweet. It satisfies the famous ego of one and brings a heartwarming smile to our faces. God knows that I have felt this way many many times, but my conscience is clear, because I did not cause the feeling of distress, I was just glad that justice was done. However, last week a friend encountered a situation that it made me wonder about the nature of retribution. How exactly does it work. And yes, it did happen to a friend!

I believe that the balance of the world is always maintained at all points of time. In order for one to get something, someone else must lose it, otherwise the harmony is lost. If the misery of one person makes me happy, because he feels the same way that I felt before by something that she inflicted on me, then sadly enough, when I am miserable, someone else is cheering because of the same exact thing that I did to her. And that did surprise me! How can I cause pain, mind you sometimes not even physical, on anyone. How can I be so unthoughtful or spiteful? And the answer is that sometimes we are, even without knowing.

There are times that we do the same thing to other people, because we choose to. We want to get even, and to treat them exactly like they treat us. We want them to feel the pain and the distress that they have caused. Very consciously we seek revenge and it is not to be confused with retribution. With that being said, I do admit that at times I have hurt someone's feeling, not because I wanted to but because I had to. As odd and unbelievable as it sounds, it was the best choice under those circumstances, the lesser evil of two evil choices. The intention was not to be hurtful, but it was hurtful nonetheless. And when karma gets back to me under similar circumstances, I do not like it, but I do get it.

But there are times that we do things without even knowing, thinking, contemplating. We do not mean to be hurtful, but we are. No one can deny that this has never happened the them, we have all done this and continue to do unless we make a conscious effort not to.

The bottom line is that what comes around, goes around. Every time you cheer when someone pays for the justice that is done for some wrongful act toward you, remember the days that you are miserable, because there is a big chance that justice is done for someone else because of you!!

The way I see it, retribution is a two way street. Even the holy and saint me have to pay for somethings at some times.

Birthday Senses

2009-03-16T05:55:00.000-07:00

I did not realise how long it is since I last wrote, but it feels good to share some observations again, in particular as a tribute to my birthday 4teen++ girl.

Every happening in our lives makes us feel various emotions like happiness, sadness, loneliness, holiness, million dollars..... and I believe that you get the drift. This weekend I realized that some events in life can be felt otherwise, like not by intangible feelings, but by our very keen and God given five senses. Senses like sound, touch, scent, taste and sight.

4teen turned 21st last weekend and I, being a novice in this country who experience a lot of things in life in a delayed time line, realized that in this country 21st BD is more important than 18, the age that you are considered an adult who can vote, buy lottery and legal to be a responsible citizen without compromising parent involvement, by all the adolescents. I amazingly realized this weekend that for the adolescent the birthday number 21 simply TASTES different. The feeling of exhilaration for this birthday lies in line with the fact that they are legally able to drink alcohol and that is why it tastes different. However, I can not attest if this taste is deliciously better or worse.

Yes of course my poor child had no clue what alcohol looked like and how it tasted before last weekend, but all of a sudden, the self esteem has gone up by many degrees and there is a sense of Independence that has been created by this alcohol related BD. It does not matter that parents still pay for expenses, the fact that they can just drink, is enough to be a grown up for them.

The way I see it, 21st BD's taste is different from other birthdays on many levels. For some it tastes better, for some worse, but no matter how it tastes, the reality stills remain that they are growing old and the carefree days are getting closer to an end and that means more responsibility and accountability. Oh my God, do not remind me, I need a drink myself right now!

Lesson Learned in 08

2009-01-01T15:17:00.000-08:00

09 has started with many resolutions for many, me among them, yet I have to acknowledge that although I did not accomplish all I wanted to do in 08, but I did learn a valuable lesson about me and I want to share it with all.

Psychology 101 teaches that there is a way that I perceive myself and there is a way that people perceive me, and God knows there is a true me some where out there as well. Further, they, the psychologists, teach that when the three images are the same and n sync, then one has truly discovered who they really are and that is the foundation of true happiness. as always, I opt to contest, not about the happiness, but about the three images being all the same and this is why.

The younger 4teen is graduating this year and is contemplating on whom to take to prom. The list is long and a bit complicated, as it is for every teen I believe, so when things get tense, I do tell him that he can take me, his mother, to prom if everyone refuses! We all laugh about it, because it is a way to break the tension and the ice. Some weeks ago, at our annual holiday party for our friends, when they were asking him about his senior year and his plans about future and the prom, I jokingly told them about the plan that I had in mind, because I did not want anyone to put 4teen on spot. After dinner, as we were cleaning up, a friend approached me and took me aside and told me that it is a very bad idea for me to go out to prom with 4teen! She said that in this country, it is not customary to go with ones son to the prom, because it would be an embarrassment to him. I actually had a real laugh over this and brushed it away.

A few days later, I was having dinner with a friend and her teenage daughter who had tagged along at the last minute. She was always interested in 4teens life and asked whom he is taking to prom and I answered that I did not know, and I jokingly said that he will take me if he can't find a date and they looked at me in amazement and then both started to yell if I were insane....... I clarified that I was joking and they said that the joke is very tasteless and as a friend, I was asked not to repeat it to anyone any more. And that got me thinking, because I was disturbed by what I heard.

How I saw my self in this whole scenario was being funny and making my child at ease in a stressful dilemma of insecurity. On the other hand, the way some perceived me in this matter was a controlling mom that can not let her son go. And the worse part was that I started thinking if part of it was true? I grilled myself over the subject for a long time and I now do know for a fact that it s not true. I don't know why people see me that way, but I know myself and I do know that in this case, what I did was not because I was losing control. It was because I wanted to diffuse an uncomfortable situation for my son. I am a parent and that is my job, until he learns to do so without being rude or impertinent.

I was being my real self, despite what people think. This is who I am, and I have learned that no matter what I do, there is always something to be said about my behavior, therefore, I am going first to please myself and friends or foes are entitled to their own opinion.

In conclusion, guess whom he is taking to prom if he does not find a date!!

Women for Women

2008-11-22T14:33:00.000-08:00

When I was about 40(-)*2 , through my job, I attended a teamwork workshop for total quality purposes. There was an exercise in this workshop that put 3 people together, two of one gender and one the opposite, and it required us to make a team of two in each group in a specific period of time. In my group, we were two women and a man and when the topic was chosen, we both women, tried to bond immediately with the man. The team was made, but the instructor had a very interesting question. He asked us if it ever occurred to us women to make a team together?

Those few words were revelation to me. Up to this day, I don't know why I chose to make the team with that man. I don't know whether it was the stress of the time limitation or wanting to win the test or to prove myself, but I do know that that exercise changed my perspective about my kinship as a woman with other women of the universe.

How? I have thought long and hard about that phrase and to my dismay, I realized that maybe I thought that he was smarter, or he would respond better to me or......

This is neither about woman's rights nor woman's oppression around the world. It is not about Lesbians and the same sex relationship. This is not even about psychology or reasons behind women behavior. This is simply about women who do not feel kinship, sympathy, and solidarity with other women. This is about all women who go through the same feelings and life styles and yet side with men. Shame on us daughters who are future mothers and grandmothers that blame our mothers for every event of our lives and worse yet, sympathize with our fathers who had to deal with our mothers. We are who we are because of them. Shame on all of us girlfriends, that hurt each others feelings, just to spite each other just because we can. Shame on us female genders who still have no faith in each other and still think that men can do a better job.

When I am sick, depressed, troubled and god knows what, I reach for my girlfriends, so shame on me for not endorsing them and standing behind them from the beginning. They are the one who comfort me, advise me and nurture me and shame on me for dissing them and to refuse their friendship. Yes they are hormonal and moody at times, but who better understands them than I do, because I am in the same boat. We let our fathers, husbands, sons and male friends get away with many things, why can't we forgive women for that? Really, why don't we support each other more?

Dreams on sale

2008-09-19T07:33:00.000-07:00

I know this Irish lady for a while now, but never had a chance to learn about her private life until a few days ago, and that is indeed odd for me, because if I like someone, and I definitely like her, I make my business to know their business! Or maybe because she was always a jolly person and had always something new and interesting to discuss and we never got to private matters, although she knew all about my mother in law!

The other day she told me that she was getting a divorce and I was dumb folded, because she never showed any sign of stress or distress over any marital problems, in fact she just came back from Ireland with her soon to be ex-husband after visiting family and friends on vacation. To make a long story very short, her marriage was staged only to get her into this country and to get her the citizenship. Now after a bit over six years, the mission is accomplished and she has what she wants and off everyone goes on his way. She said that the arrangement was done mutually and now that she has achieved her dream, and dream she meant, and he his money, they are part as friends without any resentments.

And it got me thinking about dreams and how much are we willing to pay for them, or better yet, how do we pay for them, and does the end justify the mean. Her dream cost her six years of her life plus some US$ and she seems elated. What is the price of a dream? Do dreams ever go on sale? Is the price paid in real money or real effort? Paying with money is the easy part, but what about those that pay in time, life and effort? I know many others who are still paying for their dreams and they are not yet accomplished, and they still do not want to give up. I know for myself, that I had many dreams, some came true and some still work in process, but at times I wonder if the dreams were worth paying that much? Or why did I not work on the unaccomplished dreams instead of the accomplished ones? Do our dreams change their importance at different phases of our lives? Do we sometimes set unattainable dreams for ourselves so that we can get going, because we love to dream?

And saddest of all is that we have things like US citizenship at our finger tips that we take for granted, and yet it is such a dream for someone else. It makes me wonder what this citizenship means to her that I have not figured out. Where is she taking this dream that I don’t know about? Are my dreams more complicated than others? And in this are my self revelations.

The way I see it, if we want something really bad enough, we will focus and go for it, like the gal from Ireland who really dreamed to be a US Citizen and she paid her dues and she became one. If the dream is for real, no price is too high and no obstacle is an issue. My dreams on hold are my fault for not going after them ferociously as if my life depended on it. I can lie to you and not to myself, because I know that whatever I wanted in life and achieved it, the price was never the issue, because I made it work. Now if it was worth it, then that is a whole new story.

Do you get it?

2008-09-14T15:08:00.000-07:00

I had never felt so dumb or outdated until last week when I sat with 4teen to watch the MTV awards on TV. Yes, this year was my first time, because we never had cable until a few months ago. 4teens always went to the grandparents and friends to watch it, but I was not privileged enough to do so. Actually, after watching the last one, I am not quite sure if I was that underprivileged!

I do not want to talk about the rude host that I found everything about him tasteless until he started to calling our president names and I started hating him. I am an advocate of free speech, but I believe that calling each other names does not fall into that category and it was not funny at all, but that is a whole new story, or maybe the beginning of this one.

I may not know much about the new singers and the rappers, but I still enjoy good music and fancy clothes that the entertainers wear. I loved Rhianna's performance and her outfit, I loved Mariah Carey, Chris Brown and even Christina Aguillera. I am not amused by LiLo's or Brittany's life styles, but still want to see what they wore or what they said, and the same for many other performers. Yet after all this being said, I was shocked by the way that a few of them were dressed.

Who was that middle aged guy who showed up in his red striped boxers and white beaters? And then was that his wife or his girlfriend with a bedroom gown? Or the one who was dressed like a Joker in a deck of poorly designed playing card? What about the Lil something whose pants were so low that they were practically folded on the floor and you could see the bottom of the boxers along with the top. How the XXXX did he walk in those pants and moved on that stage? Worse yet, how does our teenage generation can adopt such an ugly fashion trend? Showing a bit of the elastic on the underwear is ugly, yet more tolerable than what this guy was showing which was honestly disgusting. And the words of some of the songs?? I guess I am lucky that my slang language is very poor, because I did not like some of the words that I heard.

4teen tells me this is the new art, and I do not understand how can things this ugly be art. How can cussing and foul language be classified as art? 4teen tells me that this fashion trend is a kind of statement, but fails to explain what kind of statement, what are they telling us? 4teen tells me that I am too old for this, and that is the first thing that has made sense to me since last week. I really don't get it.

Weight Down, Wisdom Up!

2008-09-03T12:12:00.000-07:00

We have Weight Watchers at Work which makes it really inconvenient for plump and overweight people, like me, to have any more excuses not lose weight! But hey it is not all about losing weight, sometimes it is about gaining wisdom as well.

Before summer, around the month of February, the company started recruiting for the WW sessions and there were a few informational meetings for all who were thinking about joining. One particular person, who happens to be a very close neighbor of my office and who also wears a size 6 or 8 with the height of 6"2, started over eating after the informational session. I was confused by two things; One why does she need WW to begin with and secondly, why has she started overeating all of a sudden. Me being me, asked her the second question, and she said that being at the weight that she is right now, WW will not accept her application, so she is gaining weight so that she can be eligible to join WW. Kill me! And in my head I say ok, she gains weight so that she can lose it with WW while also paying for it???What is wrong with this picture?

Honestly, I find it very insulting when real slim people go to these meetings to lose weight with all the other overweight people. We are not talking about people who have 5 or 6 pounds to lose, we are talking about people who are really slim and yet go to these meetings and talk about how their trainer does this and that, and question how to find another restaurant that has fewer calories for FF or what products should they be eating to lose more weight. Hello, look around you!

The group leader believed and preached that the image that we have of ourselves in our head is the real image no matter what the scale said. Although I believed it whole heartily, I thought that she is a business woman who wants the money, why did she care if any one is slim or not as far as her sessions are full and she has enough people to conduct her discussion panel. Then it hit me like a brick on the head and the realization came and I started laughing so hard... and kind of sad too.

These people are insecure and have self confidence issues. If my problem is solved by eating less and moving more, their problem does not have the obvious and proven remedies, even if it is clamping the stomach. I am plump and I know it and I have accepted my condition. Any pound I lose, I celebrate joyously and when I gain it back, huh, what the heck. These people can not decide the limit to their weight, because weight is not an issue to begin with. When they lose a pound, they fret why only one and when they gain it back, they throw a fit. They don't even do it for health reasons, they just do it, because they believe that people will like them more if they are slimmer? They need it, because the need friends, or attention?

The way I see it, these slim people mingle with overweight ones in WW to feel good about themselves. They feel superior in the company of the plump and obese people, they enjoy the look of jealousy and coveting on their counterparts faces. They feel important that they eat salads all the time, while others have problem not craving fatty foods. Everyone looks for a way to look down on someone else, and these people do not profile racially but by other means. I wonder if they see the look of disgust and pity on many faces too.

Well I guess at the end of the day we are all winners. I lost a few pounds and hopefully she is feeling a lot better about herself, because she has not lost more than two pounds and WW is thriving with sales and membership. What can I say, a true success story.

Balance

2008-08-20T12:17:00.000-07:00

It is a while that all I read in the papers is how bad the economy is and how troubled is the financials of not only this country, but around the world. The prices of food, gas and most consumer goods are way up and the houses have plummeted, and the economists can go on and on and babble about it to aggravate the frustrated consumer even more and plunge them further into panic and depression.

On the other hand, companies like Exxon and Chevron have record profit for this quarter in the history of US or any other place, now how they justify their profits while millions of people are suffering from high prices, is another story for another day, but GM, one of the biggest American companies has lost so much profit that it is record as well. Many banks who were making record profits years ago, are now going out of the game one by one.

But am I the only one who sees the trend here? Gas companies have more profits, car companies less. Food goes up and houses come down. Euro is up and US$ down. And on goes the list. The way I see it, things are always, always, in balance. One has to loose so the other one gain and that is the rule of the world, and that is what exactly is happening now a days. One loses a Dollar and the other one finds it. It is not fair, I know, especially when middle class is on the loser side and upper class on the profitable side, but this is how the world works.

Until the day that we respect and value money over our humanity and ethics, then this is how it is going to be. Until we do not use our brain to find the catch 22 in every too good to be true situation, then this is how it is going to be. Until we do not learn to live within our means, nothing improves. There are vultures out there that justify inhuman business profit by any means they can and we let them. Until then things remain the same. Other than that, whatever goes up must come down and that is how it is.

What About Paternal Instinct?

2008-08-07T08:39:00.001-07:00

We women are suckers, and I am not kidding you. We bring many things on ourselves and blame it on our nurturing maternal instincts. Bologna.

The other day, three of us went to a local sandwich shop to pick up a preordered lunch order from a local deli. It was two colleagues, a man, Dave, and a woman, Gabs, and I. The order was packed in six shopping bags with two small trays of drink, and in my head I do the math that each one takes two bags and two of us a tray of drink and we will be good. So, I grab my two bags and a tray of drink and head toward the office without looking back. When I got to the last traffic light waiting for it to turn to green for pedestrians, I look back and I see Gabs carrying four bags and Dave just carrying a tray of drinks. At that very moment something snapped in me! I placed the tray of drinks that I was carrying on his tray and I said “it seems that you can carry this.” I was so mad that I could feel my blood pressure rising in my head.

Ok, the story gets better or worse depends on your perspective. When we get to the building and as we are waiting for the elevator, another colleague woman approaches and says, “Hey Dave, let me help you, it seems that you have a lot to carry!!” and she took the two trays away from him.

We got upstairs and arranged everything and I went straight to the other woman’s office and asked her angrily if she saw Gabs with four bags, and she said yes, and I asked her why did she help Dave and not Gabs? She thought for a while and said that she honestly did not know! Even she was surprised by her answer!

What is it with us? Why did Gabs take four bags and did not let Dave grab two? In this particular case I do know the answer; she was sucking up to Dave, because Dave is her boss!! Why did the other woman help Dave and not Gabs? I don’t know, even she does not know. And the million dollar question, why did Dave sat back and let all these women take care of things and why didn’t he man up to contribute at least a little bit? And it gets better, because at the end he took all the credit.

Honestly, the way I see it, it is our entire fault for the way that we pamper these men as mothers, wives, sisters and daughters. We find them a victim of I do not know why, and they accept it, because life is easier for them not that they find themselves victims. They can’t care less what we think as far as life is smooth and comfy.

I still get mad when I talk about this, but Dave can not come for help to me anymore, because every time he comes, my answer is a dumb smile and “I don’t know” or “I can’t.” He should be on someone else’s BRAT list, because God knows I have my own.

Black Jack Anniversary

2008-06-23T08:31:00.000-07:00

This week I am celebrating my 21st wedding anniversary with my dear hubby chubby. Looking back, it sometimes feels more and other times a lot less years. Also, we both still don’t feel being married. We feel more like boyfriend and girlfriend, but we have kept our marital commitments to the max. Marriage never felt like a trap for either one of us, therefore, we never had the urge to free ourselves from this bondage, or prove our identity without the other. OH! Don’t get me wrong, we had our share of ups and downs. There were times that we both wanted to leave and never come back (there are still times like that!), and there were times that we fought worse than two fighting bulls, but we hung on to the boat and the ship is still sailing until the next storm.

I guess the reason I am telling you all this, is that one of my 20+ friends is getting married in December and they (She and her fiancé) are in marriage counseling for premarital couples!! Although I welcome knew and kinky idea very easily, but I do have a bit of difficulty digesting this premarital thing. I asked what they taught in the couple’s therapy, and my friend said that there is a lot of role playing, and also throwing scenarios of married life into your relationship, like tensions with in laws, kids, financial and social. So basically this therapy is like a rehearsal for the real thing.

How serious can one take the rehearsal? And even if they do, what if the partner will not act the way that he/she performed in the rehearsal? Do they think that a few months training will prepare you for a lifetime of married life? There is always a curve ball that is unforeseen here and there unique to every situation and every marriage. And sometimes, I think I like my original signature on resolving marital issues, much better than recommended ones.

One either wants to get married or not. If you decide to get married, then compromise is your word of the hour for every hour of your married life. There is no other magic to this.

The way I see it, knowing thyself is key in this unison, and knowing thy partner is the spare key. You cannot change your partner. If you accept this then go for the commitment, otherwise, do everyone from your parents, family and friends a favor and do not commit yourself. Divorce is a very bitter experience, even worse than never getting married. But hey, as always, no one asked for my advice??

How do we measure intelligence or wisdom?

2008-05-30T09:53:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I emailed everyone in my address book that I am moving internet provider and asked them to use the new email address that was indicated in the body of the mail. Before pressing the send button, I contemplated on the content that I wrote and decided to add that my home address and telephone number remain the same. I thought that the last sentence will seal the deal and that everything will be crystal clear. Wrong wrong wrong.

The responses that I got were unbelievable and made me wonder and reevaluate people's intelligence a new. I had underestimated intelligence in some and overestimated on others based on my cliche and perjudiced perceptions. I have sworn, never again! Let me share a few answers:

The first group was the one that English is their second langauge and they are not very fluent in it, but get by. All of them understood exactly what I was talking about. They immediately emailed me on the new address to acknowledge receipt.

Another group that English is their mother tongue asked me where I was moving to? An English lady who claims to have a degree from Oxford wanted to know where can she meet me when she gets here end of July, if not in my old house??

A marketing director at another firm wanted to know where our offices are moving to? Another one asked me what happens with the current email address. The winner was the one who was glad to hear from me and wanted to invite us to dinner soon. And ofcourse I said yes!

My favorite answer came from a favorite friend who wished me good luck in the moving process (which I need desperately, because the move is far from smooth). She also said that she was glad that we were only moving in cyberland and not into another land, because she would have terribly missed me. This is the kind of answer that I strive to deliver everytime that something comes up.

Creating Dr. Teddy

2008-05-20T11:51:00.000-07:00

At the last stages of the + years of 40, I experienced one of the joys of 4teen and once again concluded that being young has a lot to do with the state of mind and has some to do with the birth date on our official identity cards.

I was shopping for a graduation gift with the older 4teen and she decided that she wants to give the graduate a teddy bear as a gift. Mind you this teddy bear was not an ordinary one that you buy ready in the store, it was custom built in a fancy store where I spent a few hours of a very happy time. No drinks were involved!

We went into the build a bear store and started being GOD! First we started to choose the kind of stuffed animal that we want grizzly bear, panda bear, Koala bear, dog, cat, tiger, lion and the list goes on and on. Did I say that they came in various prices, some of them astronomical? Then we had to decide on the color of the animal, and there were so many of them that choosing was yet another cumbersome and fun task. An hour later we had a teddy bear that was chosen based on our financials and we were ready to pay when we realized that the teddy is just a piece of rag and it needed to be processed further.

Yes, the processing further meant that an employee needed to stuff the animal with the special material that is used to make them fluffy. Basically, we blew life into this piece of rag to give him soul and identity. We were also asked to kiss a small fabric heart and to wish something for the graduate and leave it in the teddy for good luck. Like a good affectionate mother, I wished the graduate to become a successful doctor.

Our Dr. Teddy looked great, but naked, so we dressed him. You should have seen the selection of clothing, shoes, underwear and specialty gears that were available to us. They had diving gear, safari suits, real suits, designer jeans and brand name boxers, just amazing!! We dressed our teddy in university T-shirt that he was graduating from and graduation cape and gown and very excited, we went to pay the Dr. Teddy that we had created. At the cashier we were notified that we have missed a step. That is, we had forgotten to print his birth certificate (BC). We could fill the birth certificate however we wanted, and the store will authorize the authenticity of it. I wanted the BC to read blue eyes with the height of 6”5, something that I secretly wished that I had!! Wow all done, we paid a week wages of the 4teen and left the store with a gorgeously wrapped teddy.

I don’t remember being this genuinely happy for such a long time. It was a lot of fun and I felt like a kid again. But now that the effect is gone, I can’t help but wonder what if I had the power to choose my own children and decide how they will look and what they will be? Appearance wise, would I have chosen the more expensive one that is trendier and more beautiful, or would I have chosen an ordinary one? Would I have wished them to have a successful career or would I have wished for health and happiness? Would the way that I would have dressed him, affect what he would have become? Would she have resented me if I would have made a choice that did not suit her?

The way I see it, I am so glad that I do not get to choose those things and as for the Dr. Teddy, I think we had a lot of fun making it, just not the traditional and biological way.

Mammonies!

2008-05-11T17:21:00.000-07:00

This was the title of one of segments of last week's TV how "Sixty Minutes" coverage and I found it quite interesting and wanted to share it with you and add a few thoughts of mine as well.

For beginners, this is a totally new word and to be frank with you, I did not even look it up in the dictionary to find out whether it is genuine or not, but this is how the program translated the word: In essence mammonie is a guy who still lives with his parents at the age of 26+, in short and plain English it means "Mama's boy". These guys have jobs, paying jobs, but still live with their parents in the same room with the same furniture like the one that they were in high school. Mom still cooks their favorite food, cleans their room and does their laundry. One mom even said that she sits up for her son to get home at nights. Parents added that they never even suggest to their sons to leave the house, because they believe that the sons will leave when they are ready.

Oh by the way, this program was taped in Italy and the mammonie is an Italian term for these guys.

Being a naturalized citizen myself, I can totally relate to this subject and can understand where the parents are coming from. I know first hand that this mammonie thing is a definitely a cultural thing and nothing else. This is the way that parents help their children save money during single hood phase in their life to be able to buy a house when they are married. And yes, in my country everyone did get married and stayed married until death does us apart. Where I was born, this is called parenthood.

But I am digressing. My point is not debating whether this is a cultural thing or not or whether they get married or not. I am not even debating whether this is right or wrong. I just don't believe that living with your parents at older age necessarily make you a Mama's boy. I know a lot of men who live in their apartments and are even married, but are still Mama's boy or a mammonie.

Three years ago I was inspired to open a mama's by club as a joke, and you can not believe how many candidates and members I recruited. I had even some honorary seats too!!

I believe that most men in general are mama boys whether they live with their parents or not. They still go to their parents house to watch TV without interruptions and to have their favorite foods. Some still go shopping with their mom, because they like the way that mom pays attention to them while they shop and treat them to lunch afterwards. I know married men that have vacations alone with their mom and call them four to five times a day and tell their mom everything and I MEAN everything to their mom. Most of these men have been away from their moms in college years and had their apartments after graduation. So what do you call these men?

The way I see it, mammonies are all around us and do not necessarily live with their parents. On the contrary, real Mama's boys, mammonies, hate that term and vehemently deny being one, while the ones that live with their parents, and the program called them mammonies, had no trouble talking about their lives with their parents and how much they love it. I find them very smart in financial matters and frankly, I think they make better parents too.

But hey who asks my opinion???

Am I the only one who is confused???

2008-04-06T17:24:00.000-07:00

When the news about the pregnant man was published, I was pretty sure that this person is a trans gender, but I could not figure out how exactly he got pregnant, while he was married to a woman. Mystery solved, because last week he confirmed on TV that he is six months pregnant and also shed some light on how she went through the sex change and that how she kept her women organs and ultimately how she got pregnant. He said that since his wife could not bear children and she could, then they decided to use the sperm bank and get artificially inseminated. He also added that he and his wife are very pleased to have this child.

The whole thing is very 21st century for me to grasp and despite that, I was delighted to hear about the details and how this mechanic exactly worked. All my questions was answered except for two. Well one is an observation and the other one is still a question, and a big and crucial one too.

I think with all the progress in the field of medicine and all this sex change, they still could not take away the motherhood instinct and desire out of this man who is an ex woman. No pill, testosterone treatment and hormone therapy is able to extract that from a person's nature and how interesting is that? That is my observation.

And my question is: when the baby is born and somewhat grown up, how do they want to explain to this child that , well your dad actually gave birth to you, like no other dad can, but hey your dad was not born a male gender........

Remind me why we have so many confused people in this world?? Talk about the therapy fees that this set of parents are in for!

Is it Fear or is it Respect?

2008-03-23T16:01:00.000-07:00

I still give the best sit to my older sisters and carry their groceries. There are even times that I do not answer them back when I believe that they are intruding or crossing the line, and I do all these out of respect for them, not that I am afraid of them, or I fear that they may stop being my sister or other things, in fact, sometimes, I feel that they are too much of a sister that I can do without, but the philosophy of my life is that it is good to have everything that life offers except for pains, aches and disease. So I have two sisters and I will keep them till death do us apart!

So why are we having this discussion? Very simple, because this was a dinner conversation when the older 4teen was home for spring break. The conversation was mainly about the fear of GOD and then somehow it got to the fact that 4teens do whatever I tell them out of fear of losing my support or my punitive consequences like talking minimal with them or not being as friendly as I am all the time. OUCH! Yes, I heard them loud and clear, by support they do mean financial support!! I have to admit that being compared to GOD is an appealing concept and somehow I took the analogy very gracefully, however, I would still like to call that more out of respect than fear. But as always, no one ever consults me.

I took this criticism to heart and contemplated the issue long and hard and ran many scenarios in my head to distinguish the difference between the two and as I did go deeper into the subject, I believe that respect and fear are both the same. I will not talk about fear, because we are all very much familiar with the feeling. Respect on the other hand, is something that we earn and there is no price for that. Lets' say that I respect my boss, and I really do for the most part. My respect does not come from the fact that I am afraid that she will fire me if I don't. My respect is based on the fact that I admire a few of her characters traits and that I want her to have as high of an opinion of me that I have of her and I am afraid of losing that!! So somehow respect is connected to fear, but not for the conventional meaning that we know of fear. It has an almost positive edge to it that once again makes it about us and not the other party.

We do not mind how people that we don't care about observe us, but we do care how people who have some power, the way that we define power, perceive us. We respect does people, because we do not want to loose their alliance, and their opinion weigh a lot upon us.

Then I could really hear what 4teen was telling me. They do respect me, but they are wording it differently and that is OK. For a while, I thought that I will have to pay hefty fees to a therapist so that the 4teens can get over their fear of me!! What a relief! Now that I am aware of my power, I sorry I meant to say this fact) I can make them see it my way, how respect and fear are one and the am depending of how you look at it.

And as for respecting my older siblings, yes beside the love element in the relationship, I believe that the same rule applies to some extent. It s all in how you interpret things.

Tribute To The Birthday Girl

2008-03-12T08:10:00.000-07:00

I love birthday parties. I believe that when we get to 40tplus, we need some sort of time that it is all about us and birthday parties provide that, even if it is for a few hours?? Of course the drinks help too!

Last week an unfortunate friend of ours turned 50plus and we all went to a bar to celebrate it, mind you, I have not been to a bar for such a long time and…, but that is for another day. Anyway, I met a few other ladies, all single either divorced or widower and they all owned at least two dogs plus some other pets. Lisa (another guest) and I were the only ones who had only a husband and still married, and I also have two 4teens that Lisa lacked as well. One of the ladies commented that I am rare specie, but I already knew that.

Interesting circle!! All we talked was about dogs and pets all night, and I mean all night!! From hairdresser to veterinarian and dog food and best places to walk the dogs, we covered it all. I swear that in my all life and parenthood, I do not recall myself bragging about my kids to this extent. I was baffled. Don’t get me wrong, I like dogs, especially when they are someone else’s, but I have a problem when I talk to people and all we talk about are dogs. Something was wrong with this picture and it was definitely not me, because despite my age and other things, I got hit on twice and got a free drink out of it too!! These women have no life but the life with their pets. Some of these women have no human relationship outside work except for the dogs and it makes me wonder why.

How disappointed are they in human race? Why are they pulling away from human contact, not only from men, but from women too? Why do they give up trying? These women (maybe there are some men too) isolate themselves to the extent that they have difficulty getting along with others in a social event and some were severely depressed ( I am not a licensed fractioned, but I can tell!). The way I see it, one of the failures of the society is that people are lonely, and believe me when I say that it is there doing. I do know the difference between being lonely and being alone and I know that these women were lonely. Most of them were a nervous wreck in the bar and did not quite know how to behave, and my heart went to them. I could see that they were looking for men, but did not quite know how to go around it. Somewhere in the process, they became diffident and insecure by loosing their real selves and that is sad. Did I mention that they were all educated women?

We all need good friends in life. Friends, who tell us, coach and direct us when they see something odd. I know that I always felt a need for one and tried my best to be one too. That night I had a bitter sweet feeling. I felt sad, because I was growing old, and also blessed that I have still a few people in my life that can straighten me out when I am out of line, especially the one who is ending her 4teen days and stepping into TEENLESS days.

Who is this about?

2008-01-01T17:02:00.000-08:00

As we entered 2008, we are still hearing more news about all these so called singer/actors/actresses and their infamous activities on an hourly basis. We are still reading in the news about all the DUIs and all the rehabs and how many times in rehab and which rehab and name it all. Now the news is overwhelmed by the Spears girl who was the idol of some TV channel and at the age of 16 she is pregnant. Different groups are at each others throat for the morality of this news.

I have to admit that I do follow these news closely too!! I find it very amusing that all these gorgeous and rich young ladies mess up their lives for a bit of attention. One would think that they do have to do a lot to keep up with all the competition in the field, but apparently not! Getting a negative publicity is still publicity.

And the way I see it, this is not about them at all. Once again it is all about me. This is a get away for me to judge some one else instead of judging myself. I get distracted by these news and forget about my problems and misfortunes. These are diversions away from all the sad news that we read on a daily basis in regards of bombings, fires, killings and ......

See, not that the stories of the celebs are not sad, I am sure that in a way or two they are, but I do not quite find it that way. These celebs bring these calamities on themselves, by their own hands. It is hard to sympathize with a 20 year old girl who is rich and famous and ends up in jail for DUI. Or defend the other one who ends up in the rehab, because she needed daddy attention. Kill me, but I am unable to shed a tear or two.

But in a very twisted way, it is nice to hear these tabloids. It is always heartwarming to hear about other's failures to justify our own positions and shortcomings. See, if I were born to the Hiltons, I could have had all the money and the glory and ended up like Paris in jail. Forget about the reality that I am not Paris Hilton and I still can end up jail anyway doing what she did.

Sometimes I am as shallow and vain as..., but believe me that I am only human.

Other wild things

2007-12-30T09:10:00.000-08:00

As we are fast approaching the end of 2007, I had to write this one last piece this year since I have been neglecting writing these blogs for a while now.

Some of you may have read the children's book " Where the Wild Things Are" written by Maurice Sendak. And what I have to say is that there are many wild things out there and that are not monsters by looks, actually they look good and very tempting, yet a monster in nature and 4teen should be very very scared of them. As parents, we see these dangers on a daily basis in our own lives and we need to get involved and educate our children about them. These wild things were not yet a concern until not too long ago and they are the by product of our truly amazing technology, a menace if you ask me.

Besides sex, drugs and alcohol, after surviving the world of the internet chatrooms, with the predators and pedophile, gunfires in schools, universities and malls, and the tigers that roam the street to eat and maul their victim, be aware of the danger of credit cards. Take heed of these look gorgeous plastic cards that encourage us to buy now and pay later and even pay the minimum payment as little as $5 a month.

Please educate your 4teens that minimum payments have consequences of interest and late fee payments. Credit cards are another type of predators that feed on weak and shallow personalities, and the more they push them into debt, the happier they are. If we teach our kids about the dangers that strangers impose, we should definitely inform them the dangers of ruined financial credits and the impact of it on their lives. A friend of mine fell into this trap with her college aged daughter and ended up paying off a credit card balance of $325.00 for a shirt that cost only $40.00.

It is a crazy world out there. We have more severe natural disasters, and we have even worse man made disasters. We want our 4teens to face the world as good citizens and not to be afraid to live their lives, therefore, we need to give them the right tools to do that. Education is the key, they need to be careful in every aspect of their lives. Once the " Be Careful" list for growing children was a lot shorter, but as we dive into 21st century, the list multiplies and I honestly don't know how long it will get.

I wish a worry free 2008 for all the 4Ts, and a safe world for all the 4teens who read this blog. May we be safe from all the wild things that are there. Amen

Honesty is out of the window.

2007-07-28T20:05:00.000-07:00

I learned a valuable lesson yesterday. I learned that even if people tell you to be honest with them and when you do tell them the absolute truth, they can not handle it and will try hard to pin it back on you. They will start bad mouthing you and labeling you as jealous , crazy or miss know it all.

A colleague asked me that why does her boss did not have faith in her? This was not her first or second time to ask me this question, therefore, I thought in my 4t plus naivety that she may really want to know so that she can address the problem and work toward it. I asked her that she wants the honest answer or just an encouraging one, she said that she wants an honest one (I do have a witness). So I did tell her and heaven went loose.

The way I see it, some people keep making the same mistake over and over again and never find out why they do not succeed in what they are doing. My philosophy is that if I see the problem, it is my civil and humane responsibility to tell them. That way they will think about it, and if it is correct, then they plan an action. Never in my mind I saw myself as an evil person, on the contrary, I thought that I was doing them a favor. Mind you this is after they ask my opinion. Of course that this rule does not apply to 4teens! I have never seen a reaction this severe from any one in any circumstance before.

Well I shared my experience with the older 4teen and she told me that maybe at 40t+, I am getting wiser a bit and starting to get it. People do not like honesty, they like to see what they like to see, why rock the boat and be the bad person to break them the news.

Indeed why?

Oh right!! It is Father's day

2007-06-17T10:29:00.000-07:00

Today I had the day to myself and went for coffee and paper to a local bagel shop early in the morning. The place was almost packed with fathers and young children. I did not see a single child over 9 or 10 years old there and I wondered if they are sleeping late and will celebrate father's day throughout the day at a later time.

The truth of the matter is that I do not think that the kids between 8 and 35, or until they become parents themselves, remember father's day as well as they remember mother's day. Younger kids have their mother to help them plan the day and buy gifts and cards, but when the kids grow older and planning the day becomes their responsibility, most of them genuinely forget father's day.

When the kids grow older and become parents themselves, they start to remember this day more, and start acknowledging it in ways that actually makes a lot of sense and is more enjoyable to the parent, like spending time with dad.

But it is still difficult for me to understand that why kids never forget mother's day, even if they do not acknowledge it, but they have difficulty remembering father's day. Is there not enough advertising by media? Are father's not as important as mother's? Or is it because mother's day has been around for the longest time and father's day is relatively new to the society?

In our house hold, the female 4teen never forgets any of these days and tries her out most to make the best celebration with the most adequate gifts. The male 4teen, on the other hand, is a whole different story!! He remembers mother's day and tries very hard to unremember it. Furthermore, he never knows when is father's day, unless being reminded, and then celebrates it lavishly.

The way I see it, fathers are very important in life, but mothers are more. With that being said, every child needs both normal and decent parent to grow into a healthy and stable adult.

Memorial Day

2007-05-29T07:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was indeed Memorial Day on so many levels for me. On top of everything else that went on yesterday, I observed the memorial day for the 2nd year of the death of my father.
I was a good kid and did all the proper things that I am supposed to do, I cooked and prayed and attended the services and I recited the mourners prayers, but something is still missing.

For beginners, I was sincerely sad and I don't know why they say that as time goes by it becomes easier, it does not. I simply miss him. I talked about him with 4teens and hubby chubby and remembered him fondly, but still there is something missing. I need to remember him in a way that is only mine, I need something special that no one shares with him, but me and I am desperately looking for this.

We both shared a special interest in reading and enjoying amazingly odd news. We both loved to write, however, I am not sure if he wrote to his friends as he wrote to me. My writing comes from heart, because it reveals and illuminates concepts for me. It calms me, but he was a calm person in the last two decades of his life. Very at peace with life, accepting and good humored.

I never knew him well when I was a 4teen, because he was busy working and I was busy being a 4teen. As I grew older, and as our lives changed millions of times, I saw him in ways that my siblings never saw him, I saw him as a human being and not only a dad, and maybe that is the connection that I had with him privately.

I miss his serenity, his calming voice and his advice. I miss him asking about 4teens and laughing at their adventures. No one ever showed interest in my education and career as he did. No one ever encouraged me to further my education as he did. I see traits of him in my 4teen male and it makes me feel that he is with me, and I guess that no matter what everytime I see my son, I see a piece of him that will plant a smile on my face.

Post Mother's day comments

2007-05-20T17:32:00.000-07:00

Three mothers were talking about how much their children love them and what they will do for them. The first one said that her son loves her so much that he bought her a Mercedes S500 for mother's day. The second said that her daughter loves her so much that she has bought her an apartment with jacuzzi, swimming pool and .... close to the city so that she will be in the center of civility and activities. The third said, that her son tops them all, because he paie $400 an hour twice a week to a therapist just to talk about his mother and he has been doing it for years!

I love this story, because it confirms my observation about mother's day. Mind you that at this age, I am a child myself as well as a mother to the 4teens and I believe that mother's day is not about mothers at all, once again it is all about the kids!!

A week before and after the day, every one talks about what they did for their mothers and how heir mothers responded to their gifts and more than 80% do not like the response that their mother's give them. The kids expect gratitude and constant thank yous for gifts that mothers have no use most of the time. Myself, I do not want any gifts from my kids, first because I do not need anything and second,because mothers should be respected everyday, not just in mother's day and certainly not by a materialistic gift. But no, they (our beloved children) insist on buying us gifts as an object of demonstration of their love, no matter what we want. After all it is only mother's day and guess who this day is about???

And then the moms converse and tell each other how their mother's day have gone by and guess what, the subject of the conversation becomes their children again! How they are so wonderful and what they did..... and once again it is about kids on this end too!

The way I see it, It is a pay back time for all the moms that were kids themselves once! Happy belated mother's day.

Life in 21st century

2007-05-06T12:25:00.000-07:00

I am totally impressed with the fact that every positive or negative feeling has a medical term and a cure in this adopted homeland of mine. An ample example is depression: I never knew that depression has so many different names and terminology. I had no clue that there are so many different medication to control it, and I am still amazed by the fact that despite all, so many depressed people live in this country and above all, some of this medication is still not working.

Last week, the paper was recruiting people who expereience shyness for a study and cure for that syndrome, and that made me think, that are they done with treating cancer and aids that they are now targeting SHYNESS? And since when this is a syndrome? And what exactly this medication will do to shy pople to encourage them to open up to public?

This is 21st century and the kids nowadays do not play ball in the street with other kids. They paly videogames on line with people remotly while they sit alone n their house. How do we expect them to learn social skills when they never interact with other people? They are so isolated in their world that their contact is limited to school friends and teachers, most of it through email, texting and abbrevation talking. As parents we are so wrapped up in our lives and the materialistic world that if our kids can take a pill to cure one thing, then it is one less thing for us to hustle about and we go for it. We never think twice about the validity of the situation or the consequences.

I am pretty sure that no kid will be depressed, if the parents would take the time to get home in time to be with them and spend time them. No adult would be suffering anxiety if they mingled in the circle of family and friends more and took the time to reconnect with cousins, neighbors and even the shopkeepers in the neighborhood. People need each other and that contact can replace every medication for depression, shyness and anything else that is caused by the 21st phenomenon of isolation.

We need to fight, to learn to get alng with people. We need to argue in order to be able to assert ourselves and overcome our insecurities. We need to talk to hear our own thoughts and we need to share to be able to feel good.

The way I see it, academic education can be bought and don't be fooled by otherwise. Social education is acquired and no money can buy that and that can be acquired in the street among the people and with the society.
Street smarts are more successful than book smarts in the long run, but blessed is the one who has both and doubled blessed if they have wise parents to go along with all those skills.

Lucky is the one with a Phd in socoial education, because he suffers no depression, anxiety or shyness, therefore no medication. There is a proverb that states that a healthy body is a result of a healthy mind.

Self improvement vs. others improvements

2007-04-28T15:43:00.000-07:00

The picture above is worth million words, and I do not think that I could have summed it up better than what this caricature shows.

I just wish we could concentrate more on solving our own problems instead of analyzing other people's. I hope that whatever we preach to others, we practice ourselves as well. I pray that when we get to the same situation, we do not do what we see and think that other people do wrong.

This time, I hope we concentrate more on ourselves than others, and that we make it about us. No more unwarranted advice from me to others, unless it is requested. Of course this rule does not apply to 4teen and hubby chubby and .......

Real miracles or fake ones?

2007-04-15T13:05:00.000-07:00

I really do believe in miracles. The miracles that have happened in my life were not as grand as the parting of the Red Sea, but a miracle nevertheless, in the most dire moments of my life. So, as I am writing this piece, please bear in mind that what I said about miracles is heartfelt and I know that it happens in our daily lives all the time.

This morning was a late one for me. I needed some extra time just in bed to pull myself together, so I turned on TV and religious program got me interested. This English speaking person was among a gigantic crowd, trying to heal the deaf, the mute and to recover lost senses of smell and taste. Apparently there was a long line of people waiting to seet him, and he on the stage in front of the micro phone asked every individual who approched him about the ailing. The translator would translate for him and he would put his hands on the ear or the mouth or the nose, depending on the part that he wanted to heal, and would command the healing to begin in the name of Jesus and they would suddenly hear, talk (not perfectly, because he said that they needed therapy) and would start tasting and smelling. He had boxes of cookies and bottles of perfume very handy.

I watched this charade for 45 minutes with repetitive incident and prayers and the hocus pocus that this man did. I could hear the crowd cheering, but there was something missing that made me wonder about this whole circus.

Let's say that I had lost my hearing in the left ear for 10 years now ( a real case on the show). It must have been important to me to get in such a long line to go see this man to restore my hearing, or at least that is what I think. I must have had faith in him, otherwise I would not subject myself to this long day. Then when my hearing is restored, shouldn't I be just a tad bit emotional? Just a tid bit grateful, or in a rare case a tear or two? Maybe jumping up and down, or hugging someone, or relating the gratitude in a more sincere way? I watched 20 some people being healed and not one, not even one got emotional. There where young ones, old ones, white ones and black ones, not even one demonstrated some kind of emotion or indication of it.

The way I see it, is that either they got paid to appear on TV with this Reverend, or they must have a very very miserable life that the healing prompted no real happiness in their daily chores. In that case, I pray that the Reverend can heal and bring them all some sort of miracle to restore happiness to these people. Maybe in their happiness, they will not get sick this much.
And if they are getting paid so well for what they are doing, I hope they advertise how to apply for this job, I bet many people would benefit from that.

Secret Views

2007-04-08T15:00:00.000-07:00

The book”Secret” is on the bestseller list in both Washington and New York Times for quite a while now. I checked several book stores and they were all out and the recommendation is on-line shopping for the book. The libraries have a long waiting list time for both the book and the video. The jest of the book is that through positive thinking and imagining yourself having the object of your desire, you do get it. And this seems to be a message that many people need to hear right now.

Many people swear by the empowerment of the words of the book, and those were mainly looking for things that were not materialistic in particular. Many are big critics of this old book and think that the idea is simply ridiculous and very farfetched. And it works like real life, one thing works for me and not for you and vice versa.

I was reading a few negative reviews from regular people who have read this book and reviewing is not a paying job for them. Those who have read this and thought that it is absolutely a waste of time even reading it, forget about buying it. One particular review prompted me to writing this piece, because despite what she wrote, I think at the end she proved that the book actually works!

This lady said that per the contents of the book, if we want a million dollars, we should write it down and keep telling ourselves repeatedly that we want that money and to remind ourselves of that on a daily basis. She also said that this is the authors scheme to make a million dollars for herself by selling these ideas to people.

The way I see it, the author really did want a million dollars, and the author did exactly how she preached, visualized herself having that, and probably wrote it down too. The only difference is that she did actually focus on the goal and did something to make the million bucks, by writing a best selling book!! And I guess this is the real message. If you want something in life, focus on it and do your best to get it, and get it you will.

Think about a pair of shoes that you really want; even if you know that you can not afford it. If you really and badly want the shoe, then you will find a way to pay for it. The key words are focus and working hard to get it, not writing it on the paper and just looking at it on a daily basis. The looking part should be a reminder that this is your goal, do not forget it and go for it.

Then again we all see what we choose to see, and I know a few people that needed to hear it from this book to shape up their lives and it seems to be working. And that is all it counts. I am just sorry that I did not think about writing a book like that, may be because the million dollars is not on my list YET!

What day is today? April's Fool Day!!

2007-04-01T06:35:00.000-07:00

Well this is my favorite day, The April’s Fool Day, and one of my 4teens is constantly a victim of this day. This 4teen is Pretty Street smart and hopefully one of these days he can relate the date and the unbelievable story and draw the right conclusion!!

April 1st 2007 prank of 4t+:

I got up in the morning pretending to be very sick and nauseated. 4teen was a bit concerned and wanted to know if I had the stomach flu. I said: “no sweetie, I am just pregnant.” 4teen looked at me in horror and asked: “You what?” and I repeated that I was pregnant and he went bananas as in nuts as in crackers and as in out of control! The look on the face was priceless, except that in the middle of all this reality theatrical show, I started laughing and my prank was exposed. This was a good one, maybe one of my best, but that is another story.

In honor of this great day, I have found a few of my favorite pranks for Aprils fool day from the Yahoo News. You have to admit that the stories are pretty hilarious! Enjoy.

NEW YORK (AFP) -
 In 1957, a BBC television show announced that thanks to a mild winter and the virtual elimination of the spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. Footage of Swiss farmers pulling strands of spaghetti from trees prompted a barrage of calls from people wanting to know how to grow their own spaghetti at home.

 In 1998, a newsletter titled New Mexicans for Science and Reason carried an article that the state of Alabama had voted to change the value of pi from 3.14159 to the "Biblical value" of 3.0.

 Burger King, another American fast-food chain, published a full-page advertisement in USA Today in 1998 announcing the introduction of the "Left-Handed Whopper," specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new burger included the same ingredients as the original, but the condiments were rotated 180 degrees. The chain said it received thousands of requests for the new burger, as well as orders for the original "right-handed" version.

 Noted British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on the radio in 1976 that at 9:47 am, a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event, in which Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, would cause a gravitational alignment that would reduce the Earth's gravity. Moore told listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment of the planetary alignment, they would experience a floating sensation. Hundreds of people called in to report feeling the sensation

Another kind of truth that is inconevient

2007-03-25T13:45:00.000-07:00

The recent news reminded me very much of the book, "Ismael" by Daniel Quinn. Last week, a few brands of pet food were recalled from the shelves, because they believed that they are tainted with rat poison. These foods have caused gradual terminal illnesses for dogs and cats, and there is even a rumor that it maybe a deliberate act. And I am thinking that wow!! We are in 21st century and in the height of civilization, and we pride ourselves for the movement of animal rights , yet we are no different than other countries that kill animals deliberately. At least they have a good reason for that, what about us?

With only one difference, we kill them in style. We bring them home, we are nice to them. We buy them toys and clothes and we buy the best ready food for them. When they become sick, we take them to the veterinarian and pay hefty doctor bills and then they die. This is American style, versus, a strayed dog walks in the street and a few people just kill it with a knife.

Where I grew up, we fed our leftover food to our cats and dogs. We fed them the beef bone or the chicken skin or meat. Whatever we ate, the dog ate and that was the end of the story. We did not have ready and prepared food for ourselves, forget about our pets. When did we start to compromise our welfare with convenience. Life has become a lot easier, because we do not need to work harder physically, yet the world has become a stranger place as weirdos start killing our pets by poisoning their ready made food. Now our minds are in a whirlwind and the worry starts to consume our lives. Would I be the next target?

The way I see it, the more we get civilized, in our minds, the less human we become. As if we have never left the stone ages, and that is what I got from the book Ishmael. I am baffled by the exposure of all the sick minds around the world. I believe that the psychos have always existed, but as the population grows, so does the number of them and as the technology advances, we share more knowledge together, and as we supposedly advance further in life, the methods get more sophisticated and in greater numbers.

It seems that the simplicity of life serves the people and the planet a lot better. I just don't understand why we cant' contend with it. What exactly is it that we are looking for?

Remember what you wish for, you may get it!

2007-03-18T13:33:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite chinese proverbs of all times, and this is a small example of what it means to me.

Two months ago, I was nominated the president of one of many clubs that I attend. Not quite a US or any other country president, but a president none the less. I was proud and pleased and soooo naïve!

And of course I learned a lot about me and people and there were times that I really could identify for the real presidents!! It is not an easy job, even at the scale that I am. I learned that people can be very rude and disrespectful, and while I was not a president, I was treated far better, maybe like an ally?? I am still me, the same old blunt, frank and honest person that they admired, yet this presidency has put a dent into this situation.

Secondly, I thought that being an honorary president is quite easy, especially if we are dealing with adults who are highly educated with a minimum of a bachelor’s degree. Boy how wrong I was. They elected me to this position, yet they have no regards for my views, directions or thoughts. They deviate from the guidelines and the bylaws and they go to any extent to achieve their goal, something exactly like 4teen would do. They get bossy and rebel against authority. When I try to make a move, I have to be very diplomatic and believe it or not very firm and sometimes by saying, because I said so! They do not complain when I have to take the hit for unpleasant situations and mistakes, but they do have a problem with me setting guidelines with rules and regulations to follow.

Was I like this to the past presidents?? Am I a control freak and that is the reason for this happening? Do I need to become a dictator to make my club to fear me and respect me out of that? I guess with every power comes responsibility and of course the price.
I am not sure that I want to pay that price and gruel over it. So America rest assured that I will not nominate myself for the presidency ever. As for the club, I am going to make this work, despite all. I will do what I think is right and with the help of some allies we will prevail!!

Well, for one thing, being a president is off my system and I do not need to see a shrink for that. Also, I can not complain that this is not a land of opportunity, because it is.
The other thing is that I learned that I do not want to be a president of anything anymore; well maybe if they pay me enough, I will reconsider!!

Did I say that everyone in this club is woman??

Moral or cultural exchanges?

2007-03-04T12:27:00.000-08:00

In Herouxvill, Quebec in Canada, the authorities have passed a law to ban immigrants from stoning women. Authorities had a bit of controversary over this new law, but the councilman has assured all the residents that when it comes to some cultural difference, the immigrants should abide to the laws of the region. And that gets me a bit confused.

I thought that people immigrate because they want to better their lives; why else would they want to travel to an unknown land, with a different culture language and climate faraway from family and friends, unless running away from something illegal.

If I want to live my life exactly like what it was back home here in this new adopted home, why did I burden the hardship? And if I am here, because I do not like my life style there, and was incapable to change it, why am I doing the same thing here? Do I make sense?

Immigration is not an easy as it is spelled and I know it because I am a pro and have done it twice around and I can tell you a lot about it. But through hardship of adapting and adjusting, I know that although changing habits and cultures are very challenging, I think that I have made a few things work better for me than before. I have tried to blend the best of every culture that I have been ever exposed to and make a new way of life for me and yet preserve my identity. Believe me that I still have my accent intact!

I have not become fully American, and I have not lost all my ethnic background. I cherish my family tradition and embrace it with whole heart and pass it on to 4teen, and at the same time, I love the opportunities and possibilities that this land has provided for me without binding me down for being a woman, minority or social class barriers.
I know that this last sentence will bring a lot of adversary opinion, but in relation to many other countries, we all have it better here. Many things were not to my liking in the country that I was born and grew up, and I try to get rid of them now. On the other hand, many things are cold and impersonal here and I try to bypass them. I have learned to speak the language here fluently. I have adapted to customs and the ways that things are done in this country regardless, but I enjoy the convenience that this country offers me.

The way I see it, if one wants the convenience and abundance of this country, something should be paid in exchange and abiding by it’s rules is part of the game. You could not change the way of life and how things work in your country and you come here for a fresh start. If you try to make it like how it was back home, then what is the difference between you and the regime in power there? Again, why did you come here?

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of 2006 Movies

2007-02-24T14:50:00.000-08:00

The Oscar is one of my favorite events of the year. I love the glamour, the clothing and the whole aspects of the production and I always watch it religiously despite all. However, I have to admit that there are many times that I do not agree with the selection of the judges. For the most part, I think that the criteria of nomination are more politically driven than anything else, and secondly, I find the nominated movies in their entire truth ness, have very sad themes and difficult situations.

I love movies, but when it comes to films, like everything else, it is a matter of taste. People raved about the Borat Movie and some thought that it was even robbed out of Oscar nomination, while I thought that yes it was funny, but in some ways stupid and disgusting. The “Broke Back Mountain” won the academy awards in 2005, and I left the movie theatre in the middle of the film. I guess that is why other kinds of awards have started circulating that represents the taste of an average viewer rather than a few sophisticated critical judges, like the people’s choice award.

We always nominate the best movies, why don’t we select the top five worst movies? So in the honor of the 79th academy awards in 2007, I have decided to nominate the some movies that I have watched and disliked in 2006. Some of these movies I watched with 4teen, don’t ask why, and the others where actually my choice and I can’t blame anyone else. So here we go:

Jackass
Tucker Must Die
The Breakup
Running with Scissors
Apocalypto
Lady in Water
Basic Instinct 2
Eragon

Click
The Wicker Man

I stop at number ten, like a professional would, but I actually have more bad films to add, a lot more. I would like to hear about your worse movies of 2006, if you would like to share, then maybe we can start our own tradition of dreadful movies of the year?

Valentine's Day & Practicality

2007-02-20T06:45:00.000-08:00

Valentine’s Day is all about great expectations and as a consequence, and the extent of one’s happiness is very closely tied to those expectations.

As some people celebrated this day last week, some were very pleasantly surprised by the number of balloons, chocolate covered strawberry’s, flowers and the way they were all presented before a romantic dinner, while others hugged a lousy teddy bear expecting to have received more than a cheesy stuffed animal that said happy valentines’ day, something more with a personal touch, or a bit more $$$$.

Northeast USA had a terrible snow/ice storm on that particular day that immobilized the region for at least a day, while schools are still closed. Some were disappointed that no flowers arrived at their doors, despite the fact that they new northeast USA was drenched in snow and ice and almost everyone stayed home if they could. While others hopefully believed the obvious lie that their flowers was also stranded on the icy roads and will not get to them because of the road conditions. (Ingenious thinkers)

Florists & restaurants were mentally adding all the cash that they will receive on this day, while many were relieved that they could cancel their reservations and pocket the cost of the expensive meal. They know that they can use that fund to eat out maybe three or four times on other normal nights of the week.

I heard a lot of comments from friends and colleagues for this day that was basically summed up in this blog in a nut shell. Except for one that I will actually share the story with you, because despite the commerciality of valentine, I like to receive and get heart shaped funky stuff to people who are close to me. However, I do not like to blow it out of proportion.

Anyway, a friend emailed me the day after valentines that she had broken up with a boyfriend of almost 3 years on valentines’ eve. I was so sad and I wondered why would anyone break up on Valentine’s Day while we have 364 other days to do it?
The answer she gave me was that they were going to break up anyway, so why spend money on gifts and dinner, while they know in their hearts that they are not a good match despite their love!

And my 4teens call me frugal! See, there are people who are practical, even when it comes to the matter of hearts!!

Class of 2007, Before & Beyond

2007-02-11T16:56:00.000-08:00

Last weekend, I attended a lovely graduation party. I know that this is an odd time for graduating from high school, but this particular school, has the graduation in February and for the rest of the school year takes the seniors on a memorable trip to teach more of the world that no book is able to teach.

Last year I went through the whole process with my 4teen as a parent, but somehow this year’s experience had a very special meaning than the emotional one of the previous year. This year something clicked within me that was not obvious to me last year. I think that last Saturday, I grew a bit wiser! I hope.

Where I come from, graduation parties were thrown only if someone was getting a bachelors or a higher degree. Graduation parties from high school were unheard of and graduation parties from kindergarten, elementary school and middle school would have raised a few eyebrows here and there.

When I moved here you can only imagine my mixed feelings when we celebrated the graduation of my 4teens from kindergarten through high school high school and every step of the way. I felt very proud, yet found this whole ordeal very bizarre and unwarranted. In short I was supposed to feel No big deal, yet it was a big deal, this was my child!

Yesterday as I looked at these young people so proud and so eager to invade and save the world from all the bad things , for the first time, I started remembering all those 4teens and younger who did and will not graduate because they are either ill, deceased or other. Yesterday, for the first time, I felt for the parents that are not privileged enough to see even a kindergarten graduation of a single child. And it was then that all came together to me. We celebrate every graduation of every child, because we have accomplished a difficult milestone in raising our children. We thank God for this day, because our children are healthy despite the crazy world of guns, bombs, knives, peer pressure and many more, that can happen in their own back yard, and not in Iraq, Sudan or wherever, on a daily basis. We applaud ourselves for doing the best that we can to bring them to this day, not only for our sake, but for the society’s sake as well.

Sincere congratulations to all the graduates of past, present and future, and of course their families too.

Who is a tough guy?

2007-02-04T15:16:00.000-08:00

The Tough Guy Challenge, an annual event to raise money for the Autistic society, was celebrated last Tuesday January 30, 2007. This event is in aid of charity and is open to individuals and teams. The 10 mile cross country run involved negotiating 25 obstacles en-route including plunging into an ice-cold lake, jumping over burning bales of hay and crawling through mud under barbed wire. It's a survival ordeal and a test of physical and mental endurance designed to take you beyond your limits on torture rack obstacles known as The Killing Fields, following a wild terrain warm up. Believe it or not, people train for this event way in advance just to be able to make it to the finish line.

I understand the contestants pay to participate in this event and the proceed goes to help autistic kids and their parents. However, what I do not understand is why do people do this idiotic stuff like running through burning bushes and swimming through ice cold river to win this challenge for the title of Tough Guy? What are they proving and to whom are they proving it?

To me, tough guys are the parents and the siblings of the autistic children that day in and day out are battling with their situation with no reprieve. These tough guys are constantly going through hoops of fire and ice and God knows how much more and they endure it mentally and physically better than most other people, yet never titled as tough guys and for sure never recognized publicly or in newspapers around the world. They just do it, because they have to, and not because they chose to. The way I see it, the tough guys do not need to prove anything either to others or themselves.

So the question still stands; why should someone be called a tough guy while he walks through fire and self inflicts pain and burn and other sorts like that? God knows that I have a better name for these kinds of people.

The word of the week - NOTHING

2007-01-27T15:45:00.000-08:00

I constantly overhear 4teen telling his friend, “and I asked her (4t) what did I do now that your are mad at me? And she said NOTHING, and she means it. Can you believe it and…..!”

Think about it, it is not always the things that people DO that make you mad, often times the things that they DO NOT DO, makes you even more furious. The truth is that at times I am mad at my 4teens for all the things that they do not do. For instance, not cleaning their room, helping around the house or not calling when being late. I get furious when they do not do their best or they fail to communicate important things (To my standard) to me. This rule applies to me personally as well, and here is why….

A few weeks ago at metro I was mad at myself for doing nothing. I still do not know what could I have done, but I am disappointed in me despite that. The 7am morning metro commute in DC area has it’s own crowd. For starters everyone is going to work. Almost all have their briefcases, daily news papers, occasional iPods and their comfortable shoes to walk up and down the steps as well as walking between the station and their cars, houses or buses. Those who don’t read nap, and they hardly ever talk to each other. The atmosphere is serious, yet I would like to believe civilized and professional. I have been offered a seat when the metro was very crowded, by gentlemen, who are still not as extinct as I thought.

On one of these normal mornings, an African American middle aged lady with three or four full tote bags entered the metro car. Her hair was not as coiffure and her clothes not as elegant as the rest of the people, yet a passenger none the less.
The car was very crowded and more people entered every station and apparently as she was walking toward the middle of the car, her tote bags accidentally hit another passenger’s foot and the man muttered an ugly curse at the woman. The woman angrily and sarcastically asked “Excuse me!” and the man repeated his ugly word. And the woman started yelling, cussing and screaming…..Not one person, including me opened his mouth. We pretended as if nothing is happening with our head bent looking at our feet.

And then I raised my head and looked around at all these people that were simply white and differently dressed, and it was then that I felt for that woman. I remembered in my other life, were I lived in my birth place, when I entered any where, I just prayed that no one will notice that I have a different religion until I am done with whatever I was supposed to do, and my religion was not even visible. I knew that for me being different meant different treatment. I know the feeling, because I have been that woman Yet that day, standing on the other side of the table, I did nothing to defend her, absolutely nothing.

The truth is that I can not shake the image out of my head. I can not but wonder if the man would have cursed at another woman in the same situation. Or why did no one offer her a seat, despite her age and baggage? Would they have done the same if the woman was different?

Bathrooms & Their Therapeutic Effect.

2007-01-20T16:07:00.000-08:00

In the last few weeks, after my 2007 resolution to drink more water, I have been paying a lot more visit to my local bathrooms; therefore, I have started to notice a few things that are new to my eyes that do not make much sense to me, but apparently is evident to many people.

During my visits to the ladies room at work, I have noticed that many ladies come there to relax and to get away. Many come there to cry, and some to talk on their cell phones. Last week, someone stepped in and was unaware of my presence and started pacing the 5 yard place maybe ten times and huffed and puffed, looked at herself in the mirror, and left. Mind you, most of these people at work have their own offices with a door attached.

I know many people that stay long minutes in bathrooms and they sometimes take magazines and papers to read. At restaurants, bathrooms are not only for call of nature; people go there to talk and share secrets and occasionally smoke. When 4teen was a terrible2, she wanted to visit every bathroom at any restaurant or any house that we visited, and there were times that she did not even have to use it.

So there must be something that I am missing about this bathroom thing. I understand that at some places, like hotels, restaurants and peoples houses, bathrooms are pretty and cozy, but what is there to do more than conducting one’s business??

To me, bathrooms are very impersonal, cold and for heavens sake smelly. Why would I want to vent or relax in such a place? Why would I want to read a magazine or a paper there, while I can easily go to a coffee shop or a place that overlooks nature? If I think I am hiding from people in bathroom, or they will leave me alone there, I should think again, because in a household full of people there is no privacy even in the bathroom, of course if you are a 4t and not 4teen and definitely a man.

Maybe the big mirrors give consolation to the depressed and the upset. I have not yet figured out what is it that soothes people in the bathroom and why does it not work on me? I wish someone would explain it to me. Anyone?

4teen & eyesight.

2007-01-15T07:41:00.000-08:00

This week my focus is on 4teen and their attitude toward life. I believe that 4teen is experiencing a delightful age, but they all and I really mean all share a common trait; they are all nearsighted. No, I never wanted to be an ophthalmologist, but I guess after all they do not call us Dr. Mom for nothing. Their condition (4teen) is age related, like getting old and having catheracs( I know I have spelled it wrong, but I am unable to find the correct spelling at this time. Apologies.) But the good news is that with proper treatment and coaching, their condition should get better and in most cases gone as they grow out of 4teen and beyond. I hope.

The majority of 4teen is incapable of seeing farther too well, but they can see what is close to them very well, and by that I mean in life in general and not in medical term. They are all wrapped up in their present life that they fail to see their future and try to focus on it a little bit more. Most of them have dreams alright, just doing a bit of prep work to getting to that dream, is not the focus of the now. Having fun now is the objective of the game.

The way I see it, I need my ophthalmologist to prescribe me the right lenses so that I can see better so that I can perform my daily activities easily. 4teens needs a role model, that being a parent, guardian, mentor or a sibling to become contact lenses and eyeglasses to help them balance their near and far in life, so they can function better too.

For everything else, there is master card.

2007-01-07T12:05:00.000-08:00

Last weeks conversation, as every year before that on the first week of January was “The New Years Resolution” and how the same old new resolutions will be held seriously this year. So I made a couple of them (resolutions) and one of them is to keep in touch with family and friends more often. To prove my point to myself, I called a dear friend of my school years and reconnected with her after a very very long time. And as we went through catching up with our lives, we rekindled and revisited our past and it felt really good to picture myself as a 4teen, doing all the stupid things possibl. Of course what we did is nothing compared to what 4teens do now a days!!

And as we walked through the lane of childhood, we talked like children and our hopes and dreams still unachieved. What if Santa Claus would make me 4teen pounds lighter instead of bringing me my favorite perfume? What if he handed me my CPA certificate instead of a SPA gift certificate? What if Santa Clause came in January to deliver the long list of the resolutions that we make for ourselves, instead of all the materialistic ones that we want for Christmas? After all, I can buy all those perfumes, clothes and games, I have problem losing 4teen pounds in that last 4t years!! Sounds childish?

I know that for everything in life there is a price to pay, some of which we pay with paper money and the rest we pay by time, effort and believe it or not, our lives. I made an effort to call a long lost friend as part of some cliché in our daily lives, my new year’s resolution. I paid with my time and effort and what I gained, was maybe nothing to you, but priceless to me. I have not felt like this for more than decades. Something hidden and dormant within me has resurfaced and I love the feeling. So maybe Santa Clause, and or what ever we want to call it, did bring me something more than the perfume, but I had to show some initiation to activate and push Santa!!

The way I see it, no one really decides to start smoking as a resolution or getting involved in real life dramas. No one ever wants to gain weight or fail in anything, but it happens. Why? Because we do not want the alternative bad enough and we do not want to pay for it with all the other things but paper money. Sometimes we have to give a bit of ourselves to get a lot more of other things and sometimes that giving is not just paper money. And believe me, paying with money is always an easy way out, even if you don’t have it. Not everything worth, is paid by money. Ask me, I know!

I can predict too!

2006-12-31T18:27:00.000-08:00

At the last hours of 2006, in this town in USA, I have decided that I want to share my predictions for 2007 with all the 4ts,4teens, and all the in betweens that are out there.

I predict that 2007 will be a year full of a lot of action, and I know that the good guys will be the winner in the long run. This is after all 2007 and that means that we have 2 times more 007 and everything always go right with one James Bond, just imagine this year we have two!

I also predict that for the forthcoming year, people will realize the importance of inner peace and humanity and will start to make extra efforts to pursue more of the happiness and less of the money. Religion and faith will have a more dominant role in the society, and for the first time maybe the religions of the world will learn to co exist in a peaceful manner. Tolerance will be practiced through out the world and understanding will rule.

I prophesize that 2007 will promote a sense of well being in people that prompts living a healthier lifestyles, like eating healthier, exercising more and stopping all the bad health habits like smoking and drinking excessively. As a result of this, people will become kinder and more compassionate. They will value other people lives more and will give helping hands to each other more often.

I predict that the new UN secretary general, with the help of the members of united nation, despite the rocky road, will be able to find a resolution to the roots of all the troubles of the world and with small but steady steps will communicate and resolve the issues of hunger, power conflict, nuclear power and many other difficulties that ail the world every minute.

I prophesize that the environmental issues will be somewhat eased and the population of the world will all give a little to save the other living things that populate this earth. I also know that the citizens of planet earth will do everything in their power to ease the global warming, because they do not want another tsunami, earth quake or a hurricane to take thousands of lives and leave millions homeless.

I know that creative minds will take the technology further and will come up with more gadgets to make the world smaller and to keep people closer for better or worse. The scientists will continue to save more lives by finding more cures to numerous illnesses, and by experimenting and researching issues that seem impossible. Yes they will succeed.

Ultimately,I wish you a healthy, peaceful and happy 2 x 007. I just know that 2007 will be a good year, you just wait and see.

What we need is just a bit of luck!

2006-12-25T11:42:00.000-08:00

4teen believes that I have an illness. I constantly complain that news never changes; it just happens in another part of the world and maybe the number of the dead or injured varies. Yet, I can not stay away from the radio or the paper. Maybe this is a sickness, and I put it out there for all the scientists in my adopted homeland that have a name for every different odd behaviors like mine. Maybe I can be named after something after all!

Since I am aware of this shortcoming, I have tried to seek some cure for it; therefore, I have started to look for some good news in the paper. Believe it or not, it is a very challenging task. I have recently discovered a pet corner section in a local free paper. I never had a pet in my life and I thought that this can be a good start to read more about something different. I just did not know what I was bargaining for!

This section has a variety of different articles concerning all kinds of pets and nutrition and promotional ads. It does not necessarily have good news at all times, for instance last week a new baby’s 4toes were chewed, and the parents are not sure whether their pit bull dog is to be blamed or the ferret, but apparently the cops got it right, because they have arrested the parents. But there are times that I wish that I was a pet and not a human being!
A few high lights:

• Veterinary clinics painted in soothing tones of sage, ochre and salmon with soft lights reduces anxiety for the sick animals coming to seek treatment. Reception rooms with scented candles.

• Aromatherapy for your cat when she is sick let her inhale different scents so that she can choose which scent soothes her best.

• Therapeutic massage for horses.

• Acupuncture for the dog whose left part of the body was parallelized by stroke.

• And my favorite, braces for dogs.

This is amusing news, because it confirms my theory that everyone needs a bit of luck in life. In all honesty, these pets have much more luck than any human beings. When I was down and stressed two summers ago, no one gave a horse shoe if I needed to be distressed with scented candles or aromatherapy. I was just grateful if no one added more to my misery!

And in all amusement, I can not end this piece without sharing another piece from another paper:

NEW YORK — By studying blindfolded college students who crawled through grass to sniff out a chocolate-scented trail, scientists say they've found evidence of a human smelling ability that experts thought was impossible.
The study indicates the human brain compares information it gets from each nostril to get clues about where a smell is coming from. And it suggests dogs, mice and other mammals do the same thing, contrary to what most scientists have thought.
http://archives.seattletimes.nwsource.com/

Just tell me that you do not find the irony of the two stories amusing. I just hope that you would use the link to see the picture posted for this piece.

Happy Holidays!

2006-12-17T14:48:00.000-08:00

I was reprimanded last week by 4teen! Two fronts of 4teen attacked me claiming that this is the holiday season after all, and life is always full of unpleasant surprises and why should I be a party pooper especially around this time of the year. Well, I do apologize if I made anyone think about the less unfortunate. I always thought that this blog is about me, apparently I am mistaken again! So this week, on a cheerful note, maybe with some creativity, it can be the most wonderful time of the year.

Last weekend, I tried to get in the holiday mood and spread some holiday cheer. What better way than to experience the thrill of shopping for the holidays in the crowded shopping malls, trying to grab on sale items out of people’s hands and push and shove the shoppers in front of me in lines. The gift of giving!

My excursion started very early in the morning in a crowded highway heading for a popular mall. After going a couple of miles in a circle to find parking space, I did find one about 20 minutes walk away from the entrance. We started looking around by maneuvering the busy halls and trying to find the right sizes and the colors of any thing that we really did not need, but desired very much. By noon time, we were exhausted of hustling in the crowd unsuccessfully finding the right gift for the right person. So we decided to grab a bite and rest our exhausted feet. With great effort, the 4teens found a place to sit and as they rested, they sent me, 4t, to stand in more lines to get them something to eat. I was having a blast of a good time, with a very high holiday spirit.

To make a very long and tiring story short, thanks God, the long day ended and there were many lessons learned as I was tuning into the holiday spirit.

1. For one thing, I did get enough exercise for my daily dose of the day.

2. We saw so many friends and relatives that there is no need to send card or mass letters explain how everyone is doing, because they saw all the family and they had the chance to talk to them and find out how we are all doing. It was even better, because they saw us in person and not in pictures.

3. I did not have to cook that day, which is a blessing within itself.

4. And the best thing yet, I was so exhausted that I dropped dead that night and the next thing I know it was 9 am next morning when I woke up from a deep dreamless sleep. Something that some people have to take sleeping pills for!

Will I do it again? No fat chance, I am still sticking to my giving cash gift policy. I want them to take the trip to the mall and stand in long lines to buy the object of their desire. I do not want to deprive them from this experience of holiday shopping. After all it is about them and not me!

Happy holidays to you all!

Subject of the week - Shakespeare 101

2006-12-10T13:42:00.000-08:00

On a more serious note, in the past couple of weeks all I can think of is “Now is the winter of our discontent”, the opening line from of William Shakespeare's Richard III.

Despite all the beauty of the lights and decorations in the streets and the holiday songs with lyrics like “It’s the most wonderful time of the year”, I can not stop observing the people around me and feel their unhappiness. I look around my circle of family and friends and I see that some how everyone has developed one serious problem or another. Smiles have turned to frowns and sigh are heard non stop. I do not chit chat with my friends anymore, and as they claim they are busier, I know that they are all struggling with either a health problem or a family one, because that they are not quite their own selves. It was not like this last year or the ones before, or so I believe.

It is not only the family and friends, it is the neighbors, colleagues and the circle grows bigger and I can not help but wondering why they are singing it’s the most wonderful time of the year, while it is not. How can it be, if for the past few months I have attended more funerals that in the past two decades of my life? How can it be, while all I recently hear is friends having illnesses, surgeries and serious problems? My colleague who is one of the happiest people I have ever met, hardly ever smiles anymore, because he is battling with his own kind of demons. And I can not do anything for any one of them; I can not prevent deaths, illnesses and other serous family issues. The only thing that I can do is to listen, visit, and to keep in touch and try to brighten their day with a phone call, a joke or a card. Basically to let them know that I care and that I am here.

Today was indeed a gorgeous day in December. A warm and delightful day in the middle of winter. I decided to take a long walk and enjoy the warmth and the beauty of this gorgeous day. I figured that today, I know that it is lovely and fun, so I will enjoy the warmth and whatever this day has to offer me to the fullest, because I do not know the forecast for tomorrow. The way I see it, today, at least for me, was the most wonderful time of the year, despite the winter of our discontent.

Fortune Cookies and More

2006-12-03T12:49:00.000-08:00

This week, I am saluting the ingenious idea of an Asian community in one of the states of this country. To me, this is why they call America the land of opportunity and possibilities. If you have the drive, the will and know how to work hard, then anything is possible. Well, kind of!

An Asian in the state of XOX saw a need for a center that catered to the need of this minority group. After numerous meetings and debates with the state and city and district authorities, a bill was created pending approval based on the results of the election on November 7, 2006. If the bill would pass, then the state would provide the funding to build the center and provide a certain annual budget for a fixed period of time.

To get enough votes for their bill, the Asian community needed to raise awareness of this bill, and the dire need for “yes” votes. But a minority group that did not have an extravagant campaign or a savvy lobbyist and enough monetary means to promote the idea was at its rope end, when a light bulb went on and an ingenious idea was formed!! The owner of the idea went to a printer and for $240.00 printed a batch of messages that are inserted into the fortune cookies in the Asian restaurants. On one side of the paper, the regular fortune was printed, and on the other side, instead of the customary lottery number, it said to vote for XOX (the bill). The message was inserted into the fortune cookies and was distributed throughout the state in every Asian restaurant that carried and distributed them. People did notice, because it did start a commotion and a debate about the legality of the nature of promotion. But in the meantime, the bill passed and the creation of the center is in full swing, thanks to the fortune cookies!

The way I see it, new ideas and creativity is the foundation of this new world that is about two centuries old. I can’t but wonder if this Asian person could have done the same in his own country. But then again, if he could, would he have been here?
On the other hand, if he were not living here, would there be a need for this center and all the brainstorming for a creative idea to fund it? The need is the mother of every invention. Either way, Kudos to the brilliant mind who saw vast potential in fortune cookies.

Because I say so!

2006-11-26T13:15:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday, we celebrated Thanksgiving with lots of eating, drinking, and of course shopping across America. We slaved, liked the pilgrims, over the preparation of the food, not growing it, and when the feast was ready, we were grateful for all the blessings in our lives, especially for having the honor of seeing some of our annoying relatives only once a year. Some were grateful for not having to cook, and I was among those that were grateful that did not have to travel. In short it was a perfect long weekend that was too short.

And,

As I was marinating the big bird and preparing all the traditional foods, I walked down the memory lane of all the Thanksgivings with the 4teens.

When 4teen was a preschooler and a kindergartener, I learned the story of Thanks giving with him while he was sometime a pilgrim and other times an Indian.

When she was in tweens, she wanted to know whether the thanksgiving holiday was before or after the time that the Americans killed the Indians.

And now at the peak of 4teen, they both have a moral question. Why should they help anyone in life? The Indians helped the pilgrims and saved their lives by teaching them harvesting in the new land and how to survive in their new adopted home. What did the pilgrims do in return, they captured their land, killed them all and what ever was left of them was confined to the reservations. Moral of the story, see what happened to Indians, this is what helping others get you.

I have pondered over this statement many days and nights. I can not tell them that you have to help others, because I say so. This phrase has stopped working a very long time ago. Part of me knows that their statement is very true. How many times have I been betrayed by those whom I have helped? Many times. How many times have people taken credit for what I have couched and taught them? Many many more times. Yet, I still can not stop myself lending a hand to someone in need. Why?

Because my gut feeling tells me that this is the right thing to do, and I trust my instinct more than any thing else. Because I believe in what Hillel says, "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?" Ethics of the Fathers, 1:14
This is who I am, and I can not work against my true self. For every time that I have been betrayed by one, I have been helped by another in a different situation. For every time that I taught something, I have learned another valuable lesson. And mostly, because this is who I am.

And the way I see it, helping people is not about them, it is about me. Every time I turn my back on someone in need, I am turning back on my self, and I lose part of what makes me whole, and I do not want to do that. I need to believe that there is still goodness in the world, and by doing good, I am pulling my weight in society. And I do know that there are many people out there like me.

So the 4teens have to take my word for it, because every time he/she will ask me why they should help anyone, my answer will be, because I say so!!

Look who is judging now!

2006-11-19T16:09:00.000-08:00

And the story goes,
Someone asked a very rich person about the origin of his vast fortune. The old man said that when he was very young and a new groom, he was down to his last nickel and he did not know what else to do. Some one was selling apples for a nickel and he buys it and as he was walking and polishing his apple to eat, a guy buys his apple for a dime. With the dime, he bought two apples, polishes them and sells them for 20 cents. This goes on for a week as he doubles his money with each transaction. “On the eight day” he said, “the uncle of my wife died and we inherited his whole estate.” And that is how he got rich! Not a bad way huh! But what about people who are not married to spouses with rich relative, or they don’t have one themselves?

And God created Lawsuits!! People believe that they can sue people over simple stuff and get a fortune out of it. When 4teen was younger, he wanted to sue me, 4t, for not providing cable TV for home and his pleasure. This is the accepted culture, and whoever comes to this country, may not learn to speak the language, but learns two things immediately, one that you can sue people for anything, and the other to plead insanity when in trouble.

As simple as it sounds, lawsuits, despite what lawyers may say, are not easy to process and definitely not easy to win. For every smart lawyer out there that encourages people to sue, there is an opponent who is smarter and slyer to defend the opposite party. After all, this is a country that the legal system is supposed to work in favor of the justice and the rightful party. Here are a few examples of outrageous lawsuits:

A woman filed a lawsuit ($1 mill.) against the local hospital for not doing enough to prevent her heart-attack. She got the heart attack because she was obese and smoked cigarettes, and even had a family history of heart problems.

A man was attacked by a bird outside a store, causing him some head injuries. He sued the store for 100k but the case was thrown out.

A woman falls in a store and not only she sues, but her husband sues, because the wife could not perform her conjugal duties during the healing period.

And the very most recent lawsuit: A long line of people, including the village of Glod in Romania, against Mr. Sacha Baron Cohen, the British actor, over the movie Borat.
Every claim has a different text, but they all think that they were humiliated and ridiculously underpaid and they all want more money, despite all the embarrassments that they have endured. I can’t but wonder if they would have sued, if the movie was not such a big success. Probably not.

And who is the real winner in all lawsuits, of course lawyers. And for the record, if I would live my life a new, I would become a lawyer!

Is it just to file suits against parties at fault? Yes by all means if it is justified and if a person is truly violated. Otherwise, we have to take into account that the balance is always maintained. If someone gets awarded in an unjustified lawsuit, some one else is paying the amount and that is where the fairness of the matter is questionable.

The way I see it, there may be many shortcuts to getting rich, but it is always at the expense of someone else. In the case of my opening story, the death of the uncle.

Here we go again: Science or Art?

2006-11-12T08:27:00.000-08:00

Poor Science!! It has taken us from Stone Age to this glorious day, and yet we are still questioning it.

A long time ago, on one of my job interviews some one asked me if I thought that accounting is science or art. I answered very honestly that accounting is science and that is why they give you bachelors of Science and not Art. I never quite got the meaning of that question until last weekend when 4teen had friends over and the discussion was job hunting. For the records, I did not get that job!

A very frustrated 4teen had applied for a job at a greeting card store for the position of a simple sales associate. After the initial interview she had to take a test and based on the result of the test, she did not get the job that paid minimum wage. The test had nothing to do with any performance skills, they were basic personal and moral questions and she answered all the questions very honestly, however, they told her that they do not think that she is a good fit for their organization, because the answers did not look very genuine to them. She could not get what it meant to be a good fit, while she simply needed a part time job to earn some extra bucks for her daily expenses.

And the conversation heated and it became a group therapy for all these frustrated kids who are entering the workforce and are getting disappointed, because for so many years it is drilled into their heads to be themselves and not to lie about their identities and feelings. They are told that having a solid character is the foundation for anything one wants to be. All of a sudden, they are doing what they have always been doing and they find that being their true selves in the society does not necessarily mean that people will like or accept them. A big shock and disappointment. 4teens, welcome to the world of adults.

The truth of the matter is that everyone believes that an honest person who speaks frankly is like a bit of fresh air. Yet, that bit of fresh air does not land you necessarily the things that you want in life and in this case a job!! Sometimes, getting what you want in life has nothing to do with honesty and niceness, or even what you really think.

Here are a few examples of questions that you can not answer honestly in a job interview.

“Why do you want to work for XYZ Company?”

Politically correct answer:
Because XYZ is the leading producers of…and helps the environment and….., I believe in the mission of this company…...

Honest answer:

I need a job that is close to my house and you have an opening. End of the story.

Why are you leaving your present job?

Honest answer:
Why anyone does changes his job, because it is a dream job? We quit our jobs, because we are disappointed in our bosses, the company, and the pay and….

Politically Correct Answer:
I am still working on it.

And at this point the realization kicked in. Finding any job, in a science or art related position, really is an art. One needs the art of communication to relay the message in a way and tone to capture the audience that is being addressed. Marketing yourself and your skills is the ultimate art. Interpreting rules and regulation and turning them legally to your advantage are the greatest art. And the list goes on.

I still preach what Dr. Seuss preached: "Be who you are & say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter & those who matter don't mind."

But the bottom line is that if living by this rule is not easy. If you choose to live by this motto, then there are consequences. If you can not take the heat, then get out of the game. There are no manuals in life for living; one just picks the way that suits him best.

We are back again to making choices in life!!

Sages & Sage

2006-11-05T10:59:00.000-08:00

On one of our daytrips to a cozy town nearby, 4teen and 4t entered a store that sold spiritual effects. There was a demonstration going on that looked very intriguing and since it was the weekend of Halloween, I assumed that the show was to entertain the crowd and instill an atmosphere of this holiday, and to sell a few things as well.

The lady store owner was standing in front of the long line of people, with a stack of burning dried leaves bundled together in a rag, leading the line around the store, saying prayers and in attempt of shoving the smoke out of the open door. When the ceremony ended, she explained that the leaves are called sage and it is used to expel negativity and evil eye out of the house. In short she explained that this dried herb cleanses your house, like Mr. Clean, Lysol and bleach does, but you can only sense the purity and unable to see it!

She answered a few questions, but for more detailed questions like: how do we know if my house needs to cleaned, since we do not see the dirt, or what is the prayer that needs to be recited along with burning the sage, we needed to attend a session that was ongoing every Tuesday night for a nominal fee of $50.00 per person. No beverages served.

Well, it sounds right, one wants knowledge, one pays for school! But if she thought that I will pay that much money to learn about this stuff, she did not know me very well! I pay for internet service and this is after all 21st century! And I learned that sages like Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai, Rav Ashlog, Rav Lunia, among many other leaders of the Kabbalah, also believed in the power of sage, the herb. They suggested burning this herb in the house when people have bad dreams and believed that the scent and smoke of this herb cancels the negativity effect that is caused in people. It is common practice even now and it is also used to offset the effect of evil eye in a house.

These sages lived centuries ago when people were much less educated, and the world was less civilized than today. The medicine and hygiene was not this advanced and people addressed different issues based on what was available to them. I have tried to scientify what they taught by rationalizing the fact that maybe they burned the herb to nullify the bad smells in the house since people lived in numbers in small spaces or showered less and environment was dirty, and most everything had a bad stench. What I can not understand, is that hundreds of years later, when we are more civilized and more advanced, we are still doing this and we still believe in evil eye and negativity.

The way I see it, people are people and it does not matter which century they live in. Civilized or not, certain things almost never change, and apparently this spiritual need is one of them.

To be on the safe side, next time you cook, marinate your chicken and roast in sage and it will have double effect!! The food will taste great and maybe, as the chicken is roasting, the scent of the sage will purify the house too. One simply does not know.

In conclusion 4teen uses pot and weed to feel good, and 4t may burn sage around the house to feel good as well!!

4t versus 2 Toms

2006-10-29T12:31:00.000-08:00

4t and 4teen both want to be cool at all times. 4teen will do it at any cost, but 4t will think twice.

My hubby chubby and I were a perfect complement to each other until Tom-Tom entered our lives. The initial discovery came when the first Tom’s charge appeared on the credit card bill and I almost had a heart attack! The second Tom happened, when my husband declared independence from me while traveling to places that he needed a map without me and taking the other Tom instead.

Despite our 40tplus plus differences in our lives, my husband and I, were a good team while traveling. I hate driving and he is clueless in directions and maps. Therefore, with my know how navigational talent and his aggressive driving, we have gone far together. We have been places and the plan was to continue, until I was replaced by not only one Tom, but by two Toms! An intro to Tom-Tom may be appropriate. This is a GPS system that is not built in the car and that is sold separately. You manually enter your destination and the address where you are starting from and the device talks and shows you how to get there in great details, including distances, yards, meters and you name it.

So hubby chubby started going places with his new friend Tom Tom instead of me and was elated. Then he started comparing me to his Tom-Tom and joke about it to his friends, “Tom-Tom talks as much as 40t, but I can turn it off anytime I want without retributions.” Or, “Tom-Tom navigates me, but does not tell me how to drive unlike those who do not drive…” and the jokes went on.

I shared a few negative stories about this system with him in hopes that he will conclude that this is only technology with restrictions. I was once driving with my family and Tom-Tom told us to make a right turn on a street that was one way and we ended up against the traffic flow. We were so lucky not to have head to head collision and die. Did he believe me? Of course not.

And miracles (like sweet revenge) happen to those who wait! One Friday night we had guests and he took his friend to pick up something in VA promising to be home by 7:30pm before their arrival. Come 8 pm and he is not yet home while almost everyone is there. Comes 8:30 and still no word from him. His cell phone was unanswered. Eventually he called and sheepishly admitted that he is lost, and that his friend Tom-Tom can not connect to the satellite to get directions to get him home. To make a long story short, the friends & I went and retraced his footsteps and brought him home close to 10:30 pm safe and sound. Now the joke is on him!! It honestly takes more than 2 Toms and a few friends to replace me, or Tom-Toms desert you in a heart beat, but 4t will stay with you till death takes you apart, despite your inadequacies!!

The way I see it, technology is great, but has it’s limitation after all. Also, Common sense in life is the true essence. We still take his friend Tom x 2 with us everywhere, but we do not follow it blindly. We do our homework first and then we let the two Tom’s to lead us, and it seems to work for the 3 or 4 of us!!

40t+ and healthy living.

2006-10-22T10:44:00.000-07:00

4teen believes that he is invincible, therefore fearless in living, just as 4t is beginning to realize how she values life and wants to live longer.

As I turned 4t, I realized that I need to take ++ care of myself to live a longer and healthier life. So I started having annual checkups and blood works religiously and subscribed to tons of magazines in regards to healthier and longer living. Last week, I was reading (as always) when I stumbled on an article that was promoting websites that believe that”Mental Gymnastic Can Boost Brain Power”. And that did it for me!!

First, I have to exercise at least an hour, of cardio and some weight lifting to help maintain weight, build muscle, reduce the chance of numerous diseases and also to beat depression and stress on a daily basis. Whether I enjoy exercising or not, is a whole different issue, the thing is that exercise is supposed to keep me healthy.

Then, I have to do meditation, at least 20 minutes a day, to stay focused and release my inner stress and to feel big about myself in various funny positions that make me laugh more than meditating.

Then, I have to watch whatever I eat. That means extra specialty shopping and cooking, if not planting organic vegetables myself. I have to have low fat protein and dairy, tons of organic vegetable of a certain color, multigrain and whole grain carbs that tastes like cardboard to keep my system healthy and to maintain an adequate weight to decrease again certain types of illnesses, primarily diabetes and heart ones. Basically, whatever tastes delicious, I spit it out, because it is bad for me!!

Recently, I have started doing word puzzles and sudoku, because our minds need to exercise since brain like a muscle needs activity not to lose mass. That takes me about another half hour a day to do, before giving up with elevated blood pressure, because I stink at it.

Of course I have to have a full time job to pay for our basic life style, and perform my maternal and conjugational duties as well. This is on top of running a very hectic household, studying and much more.

And after adjusting to all these, now I have to go for about half to one hour a day on a virtual mental gymnastic to help me remember things easier, and not to forget. These websites are supposed to help me be less clumsy, more articulate and sharp.

So when will I have time to LIVE and enjoy life? I am doing everything I can to live a longer life, but if I have no time to enjoy life to my standards, then why should I keep myself healthy? What is the point?

The way I see it, the focus should be primarily on LIVING and then healthier life.

The course of the week: History

2006-10-15T12:35:00.000-07:00

4t and 4teen both need history lesson to make sense of this life and world.

Since the arrival of the 4teens in my life, I have started thinking about immortality, my immortality! As I was thinking, I sadly discovered that my parents were not immortal to me in a theoretical sense either. It started to bother me that I did not know the details of the lives of my parents as individuals and how they were as kids or teenage years. My mother never spoke of her childhood, and my dad never had the time until many years later that he retired.

It is sad that we teach our kids the history of the world, but we never teach them the history of their own parents, or at least I did not. We tell them that the history repeats itself, so learn from it, yet we fail to tell them that personal histories do the same as well. The last course of my family history was completed last week when I spent the whole week with my mother, sisters and nieces. A household full of smart, determined and opinioned women and that is when it struck me where did we all get this gene from!!

A few years ago, when my dad spent two weeks with us, we shared stories of his childhood and his background. He told stories of himself and his life that illuminated a new angle of him unknown to me until then. He has written his family story on a broad perspective, but the pieces that he shared with us put a real human touch to it and after that we never stopped talking about his life as a 4teen, 4t and the following years.

Last week, we all explored the details of my mother’s childhood and as we were discussing that, I realized how much more I have learned about myself. It seems to me that in the past 4teen years, I have been weaving this rug from a design in my head with any color wool thread that I could find and finally last week, it started to take shape and pattern. Some patterns are crooked and sometimes the colors do not match, but it is part of the rug and it blends together and in fact it fits there. It may not be the most beautiful rug in the world, but it is real and it is mine and I am proud of it. I will make sure that I will complete this rug with my history and as I leave this to my 4teens, I will ask them to continue with adding their history into this rug for the next generation.

The way I see it, this is how I will live forever.

Math Or Science?

2006-10-08T19:12:00.000-07:00

4t and 4teen both need adequate education to get through life.

When I was 4teen and in high school, math made more sense to me than science. It was logical and made a lot of sense and I could relate to it with my whole heart. I was the master of equations, correlations, graphs and algebra.
Now that I am at 4tplus, I need science to explain a few of the correlations that have direct or inverse relationship.

I need help to figure out why is it that:

The higher we think of ourselves, the less people think of us.

The more we lie, the less we believe other people.

The more we hang unto something, the less is the chance to keep it.

The more we see our self in the mirror, the less we see out of the window.

The more we learn, the less we know.

The more we talk, the less we act.

And my million dollar observation that has direct correlation with 4teen,

The more I nag, the less they listen.

Anyone wants to take a shot at it?

Wanted: Gotta be strong, fast and fresh from fight

2006-09-30T17:52:00.000-07:00

4t and 4teen both love the movies X-Men, Batman, Spiderman, Fantastic Four and watch them together no matter what.

Yesterday, when I went to get my first cup of coffee at work, my colleague hugged me and told me that I was her hero! She told the rest of the “girls” that on the day before, Mr. Boredom (who has earned his nickname with honors) was chitchatting with her for the longest time and she did not know how to get rid of him. Then I approached them and asked her a work related question, and asked her to do something, and she was freed from him. Everybody cheered and hailed to the hero. Me!!

Well, I was happy, amused, flattered and in a way very confused. To me, a hero is a person who does some extraordinary task and possesses a whole lot of courage: The soldiers who fight for their countries to keep it safe are heroes, people who battle terminal disease or impossible situations are heroes, and fire fighters are heroes. To me a hero is a person who tries to change the world for better and tries to make a difference by any means possible to him, either monetary, time or personal sacrifice. A hero never brags, tells or gloats to friends and in the news. I am not among any of the above category, I was just annoyed that this girl talks her way through the day and that I am stuck to do her job so that I can get mine done. All I wanted was for her to come back to do her job so that I finish mine.

Then a friend pointed out to me that heroism is different in every individual’s perspective. To chase and catch a naughty cat for an old lady, may seem some fun act to me, but will be an act of heroism to that woman. When 4teen was younger, he considered me a hero, and 4t was just doing what she was supposed to do, being a parent. And as life changes, situations alter, therefore, the perspective adjusts and heroism takes a different sense at every phase.

And this gets me thinking (4teen believes that this is the root of my problems, too much thinking!) Batman and Spiderman were normal people, like all of us, who used their extraordinary powers, when they changed into their costumes, in the time of distress and need. So is it possible that all of us normal people are heroes in our own way and can perform acts of heroism? Granted we can’t fly, or we do not have super gadgets, but we do have courage and some capability to make a difference and be special to someone, can’t we?

The way I see it now, the actions make a hero not the person. To a hungry person, someone who feeds him is a hero. To a sick person, the doctor is a hero. To a desperate person, and encouraging stranger who can give sound advice can be a hero. A mentor is a hero and there is no end to the chain. And to this colleague, I was the hero.

I still have difficulty absorbing the fact that I was called a hero, because it is truly over-rated, but I do know that I after this, I can not stop being one, and I have to build on to perfection one step at a time. Now that I know that every action of mine, even out of annoyance, has a reaction, I know that I have the power to be a hero, and I promise to be one. My vanity wants me to choose a costume, but when I look at myself in the mirror, my better judgment tells me otherwise!

The title is taken from the lyrics of the song "I need a hero".

Peer pressure or not? What is the question?

2006-09-24T07:50:00.000-07:00

4t denies, but peer pressure is a dominant motivating factor for both 4teen and 4t and many more years after that.

It was a rainy Tuesday around lunchtime and many people were waiting to be served in the area bank. There was only one slow teller working with slower systems and you can do the math in estimating the length of the line. Everyone was tired and grumbling and before I started to pull my hair out, the conversation from two ladies behind me perked me up and distracted me from the inefficiency of the bank and stopped me short to go to the bank manager to give her a piece of my mind. I am not a nosy person by nature (despite what many of you guys think), but I can be one if circumstances allow and I choose to, and this was an optimal situation for both.

The two women were in their early thirties and looked professionals. One of them was invited to a wedding of a friend the following weekend and did not want to take the current boyfriend with her as a date. The friend was coming up with different excuses that she could give the boyfriend for not taking him to the wedding without offending him: sickness, wedding cancellation, friends only gathering, were just a few of the ingenious options that the friend could come up with. The teller in the bank got stuck with a very difficult customer and the wait continued…

And that is how the story unfolded further. This girl meets this man in a company party about six months ago. The man (according to her description) is funny, intelligent, considerate, gentle, charming and has a very good position with a very renowned company in US. He has a nice house, a car and is well rounded. He treats her like a lady and takes her on cruises and trips. He cooks for her gourmet dinners, and he has even introduced her to his parents. He is discussing future plans and places to shop for a ring. Yet, the other truth is that he is very very heavy, or in another words obese. And the thing is that despite all the advantages to this guy, who seems to be quite a catch, there is only one disadvantage; she was ashamed to take this man as her date to this wedding, because she did not want her friends to think that she is a “loser”, as she quoted, for dating an obese guy. I have to confess that I always thought to hear this from a man and never a woman. Boy, how wrong was I!

After getting to this part, I was stuck with two options, either to yell at the bank manger, or yell on this thirty year old single girl, who was shallow, selfish and self centered. I wanted to ask her if she has checked herself in the mirror lately, because God knows she was not Cindy Crawford herself! What was she thinking? Since when did we stop sacrificing our happiness and our lives for what people say or thought? We teach, preach and promote avoidance of peer pressure to 4teen, but at the verge of becoming 4t, we have still not learned these ourselves, and we are still looking for what? People will always have something to say about us, and most of the time unkind words, and if we start to dance to that tune, we will never learn our own tune. And that is how we get depressed and lost.

The way I see it, obese people can go on diet, have surgery and do something about it. Weight problem is fixable. A flaw in the character and brain is something to be worried about, because like some terminal illness, even the best doctors can not cure it. It seems to me that this girl/woman should really be concerned for herself.

4teens were amazed that I did not give them some advice. What they do not know, because I did not tell them, is that I wanted to, but then it was my turn to get to the teller, and it was a choice between either the girls or another half hour wait in line, and I chose the latter. Not that I did not know what to say to them, on the contrary, I was afraid that I could not stop! I was truly appalled by this woman’s behavior, using this man shamelessly without feeling remorse or guilt. I was even more appalled by the friend, who agreed with her. Did I mention that they were in their thirties?

God knows

2006-09-17T12:51:00.000-07:00

4t and 4teen both lie about their ages, one to give the impression of older and the other of younger.

I think I know what I am getting J. man for his 2nd birthday. I may get him one of the interesting toys that are on the market for the holiday season in December; it is a doll(appropriate for boys too!)and the makers are hoping that it will replace some stuffed teddy bears.

They are called Holy Talking Huggables, and Jesus, Mary, Moses and Queen Esther, each with their own recorded messages are a few of them. The doll was designed by a couple in Boston, MA who wanted to fill the need of love and morals for their own child all at once. They believed that this doll blended fun and faith simultaneously and was million times better than a toy gun. It is an interesting concept that a toy can in fact be packaged with messages from the old and New Testament.

And this toy made me wonder if it is only me, but recently I have noticed more people with head covering, yarmulke, long and loose fitting clothing and a lot of Cross necklaces all across town. Actors talk about Kabala and the 4ts and 4teens that hate to dress alike, both wear the red string around their wrist. The reality is that the trend of getting back to the religion has been going on for a long while now, but is it intensifying or is it my imagination? On Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, the houses of God are packed with worshippers, and I know for a fact, because I live close to a couple of them. I live in a very metropolitan area, and believe me that I do see a big variety of temples for any kind of religion with a name.

And I can’t help but wondering why is it that people are rediscovering faith? So why is the world changing?

My younger sister believes that for a long while, money had become God to so many people, and now it is taking its toll on them. People need reprieve from being a slave to the material things; therefore, their soul is seeking God for some moral and spiritual guidance.

My hubby chubby thinks that the big baby boomer generation, that is supposed to bankrupt the social security system, is getting old, and the older we get; we find our way back to religion, to explain our existence, repent for our wrongdoings, because we are afraid of death.

4teen trusts that since the world has really become a violent and crazy place, people need some explanation as why bad things are happening around the universe, and religion seems to be the one that can respond to those questions, or at least some of them.

And the way I see it, is that we are sticking harder to religion, our religion, because we are afraid of assimilation. Our religion has always been a source of identity for us, even if we were just born into it. Now that all the religions have started taking various stands for the same issue and in the name of same God, we are threatened by loosing this distinctiveness and amalgamation with others. And we are protesting it with the best way we know how, by becoming more zealous and practicing to preserve the heritage and the background of the faith that we were born into it.

Honestly, I don't know the real reason and I have just theories, but I am sure that God knows!

Have a little bit of faith in me

2006-09-10T09:57:00.000-07:00

4t and 4teen both need their siblings. 4teen needs them to give them the “how-to’s” of the high school, and 4t needs them for moral support and encouragement.

We all receive some inspirational emails every week. We read through them, they lift our souls and bring smiles to our faces. We nod our head in agreement with an occasional tear drop, as we relate that reading to our lives. The minute we close the email, out of sight, out of mind, the effect disappears. Poof!

Then, there comes a time in our lives that we experience struggles, which bring a distant memory of those quotes to our minds. It is then that we identify and sympathize with those sayings and pledge to take them to heart and learn, practice and even preach them if we can find an audience. The real empathy comes, sometimes with age, when something really clicks in the heart that sets our inner drive in motion. That inner drive, or call it whatever you want, makes us take those words as a way of life and that is when we start living by those rules. The empathy stage has to come to everyone on a personal realization and timetable; for some sooner than later. Preaching and lecturing does not affect anything, but believe me, it will come in time.

And that is how exactly having faith found its permanent space in my life. Not that I did not have faith before. I did, but the switch could be on and off depending on my mood. This time my faith came with conviction and out of my inner strength. Some argue that having faith is for the weak and lazy, and for those who do not want to do anything or want to shift the responsibility to a higher authority. The way I see it, this argument does not stick for me any more.

I believe that my faith comes from a stronger character trait. I see having faith in people, life and me, as a source of inner strength rather than weakness. There is only so much I can do about any situation and more than that is beyond me, it requires wisdom to draw that line. Having faith requires a big heart to forgive, not to forget, and to restore faith. Not many people have the courage to change themselves to get to that point. And ultimately having faith requires a ton of patience and kindness and the hectic lives of 21st century can be an obstacle. Balancing the two of them requires knowing one self and sacrifices, and not everyone, is able or willing to do that.

To close this serious subject, I have faith that everything will work itself out, I just try my very best and give it my best shot. Forgiveness and compassion are two best character traits, I try to have faith in people, if not for them then for my own sake. Ultimately, I firmly believe that there is retribution in life. Life is a funfair, we all stand in different positions in life at different times, and we all have ups and downs and demons to fight, the true test is how we come out of it, and how we use this experience afterwards.

My kind of sport!

2006-09-03T09:29:00.000-07:00

No matter what each believes, 4t and 4teen is always dependant on each other. 4teen needs homework and problem solving advice from 4t, and 4t needs 4teen to fetch her stuff from places that she is not tall or slim enough to reach.

4t tries to watches her weight carefully, as she is a member of weight watchers (and no, they do not pay me to write this)! And that she is always on the look out for a new kind of exercise that is easy, fun and burns the most calories possible.

This past week, I found a very 21st century workout. Better than DDR, and it is not only an exercise for the body, but targets other aspects of life as well. The other good thing about this workout is that there is an actual contest for it and one can actually win a medal for competing. Since I am not Olympic material, this is as close as I can get to win any medal in any kind of sport in this life time!

“Cell Phone Throwing Contest” was held for the seventh consecutive year, on the third Saturday of last August in Finland and attracted a decent crowd from all over the world. The regulations are very simple. There are no rules related to the size, color, comfort ability, reception, brand and the weight of the cell phone or the contestant. In the past contest, the silver medal went to a free stylist who juggled cell phones to the tune of different ring tones (downloaded from God knows where), because his phone landed off side when he threw it, but the judges were impressed by the music and the act of juggling and awarded him the second place. The gold medalist was able to throw her mobile phone into the distance of 89 meters.

And this is how some people may view this contest/activity in my opinion:

The environmentalists love it, because, it is a way to recycle old mobile phones (as Europeans call it) before they become toxic waste.

The intellectuals and the learned find it interesting, because it does give a real meaning to mobile phone as it is thrown into the distance.

The creative people applaud the inventive mind and envy it, because they were not the first one to come up with such an idea.

Lazy people like it, because it is light exercise with minimal practice requirement and it genuinely qualifies as athletic.

Health Department advisors love it, because they believe that whatever moves one off the coach and into any kind of movement is an added step to healthy life style.

And finally, I love it, because no more talking anywhere but home or office and from land line. No more fighting over roaming charges or overage minutes. Can you imagine how good that feels when one frees herself from that fancy expensive piece of metal that rings all the time when I can not even shut it up (because I do not know how!)

Envision how liberating it is to get rid of this tiny singing colorful device when it damages my self esteem, because if I do not have my glasses on, I can not see who is calling through caller ID, because the numbers are so small. I sometimes can not even hear what people say, because it always ring when I am in a busy streets, restaurant or public places, and on occasions I have agreed to things that I should not have, because I have heard it wrong and was ashamed to make them repeat after ten times! This innovation which is one of the biggest industries in the world leaves me no peace. I try to leave it behind, but some how it finds it’s way back into my bag or pocket.

I bet I can be the gold medalist of 2007 and 89 meters is nothing next to the distance that I will achieve. For all the interested parties, on the third Saturday of next August, you know where to find me!!

If only I could throw my other bugging issues out and win a medal for that???

Picture taken from images on Google.com

Are you listening?

2006-08-27T11:23:00.000-07:00

4t and 4teen both have a thing for cell phones. 4teen can’t live without it and 4t can’t get rid of it.

A few days ago, the article “Gym Etiquette” caught my attention in a local newspaper. I use the gym continuously, but was never aware of any required etiquette. Therefore, I panicked that I may be doing something wrong and started reading to educate myself to act more civilized for the next time that I am in a public place.

Here are highlights of what I read:

 Clean up the machine that you were using after you are done exercising.
 Be considerate of other people and minimize your exercise time to accommodate everyone, during the busy hours.
 Do not talk loudly on your cell phone in the exercise area.
 Please trash your empty water bottle and papers after you are done.

I am confused and believe that something should be fundamentally wrong! Since then, I have started paying more attention to my surroundings and I see similar instructions posted at other places like metro stations as well. I keep wondering whom exactly are they sending these messages to?

Then again, I have an elegant single honk of a ride mate on the metro who loves to share his previous evening outings on his cell phone every morning at 7am. And guess what, he always rides on the same cart that I do! He loves to disclose every detail of his love life aloud, except for the X-rated parts where he tries to whisper, and we (all other people on the cart) can still hear. He loves details and never leaves anything out. Sometimes the conversation is so interesting that I miss my stop. He has a good taste too, I have tried a couple of restaurants and wines that he has talked about and shopped at a store that he was recommending to his friend!!

Enough diversion! I think these educational articles are targeting my hot ride mate who is so busy talking on the phone that have no time to read anything, forget about etiquette and behavioral education. The only people who read it are people like me who are already considerate, neat who are constantly striving to better themselves. The authors should start looking for other ways to communicate with people than traditional writing; otherwise they will be out of writing soon!!

Thanksgiving in August

2006-08-20T08:18:00.000-07:00

4t and 4teen had an interesting discussion. 4t believes that the 4teen should be grateful for the privileged life that they have provided for 4teen, and 4teen believes that 4t should be thankful that 4teen is a good 4teen and is present in 4t’s life.

The truth of the matter is that 4t (me) is thankful for the presence of the 4teens in my life. After all, many of the first things that I have done in my life were with them: My first football game, tubing, ice cream sandwich breakfast, barf cleaning, broken head, silly movies, Iming .…

Because of them I have seen places that I would have never gone under normal circumstances and noticed things that were stranger to my eyes. Because of them, my house is fuller with all kinds of people, loud different music and laughter. Holidays are being celebrated in a new tradition and the word enjoyment has found various meanings. Because of them, I have befriended many whom I did not have anything in common and ended up becoming good friends.

Because of the 4teens, I have reached deep into my soul and have truly understood the pain and sorrow, as well as pride and joy that I have caused my parents and this makes me feel closer to them and identify with them. The scary part is that I never knew that one day I will be repeating the same words that my parents told me when I was a 4teen.
I think there is retribution in life after all!!

I am growing with my children as I grew with my parents when I was a child, and later with society as I was exploring my individuality. Who I am now, is also connected to them as the circle of life is being completed. I never knew that I had it in me to be selfless and put someone else ahead of myself, or could cry deeply when someone else is in pain. I did not know how committed I was to my ideas and morals, as my beliefs and convictions are being tested all the time.

And finally, I am grateful for my 4teens for whom I have become after being their mother. If they did not want so much, I would have not pursued my higher education to get a better job to earn more money so that I can help provide for the wants. Because of their wishes, I have become more creative so that whatever I can not buy with money, I can obtain by other means. Because of their requests, I have become, resourceful, understanding and capable, always pushing myself an inch further and I feel ten feet taller.

This is Colenues

2006-08-14T17:09:00.000-07:00

I truly tried to post this picture with my original story, but somehow my IT knowledge was inadequate. Here is the picture for those who want to do their gardens or want to try the myth. Please share your experience!

The myth of Colenues

2006-08-13T13:25:00.000-07:00

4tplus and the 4teen both like to blog! The 4teen is hiding feelings and words from the 4t, and the 4t is revealing thoughts and feelings to 4teen.

This true story started when my sister went to a birthday party of a 55 year old relative who dates a divorced woman 20 years his junior a few weeks ago. He has recently bought her a house, a Tiffany diamond ring, a BMW SUV, and of course, pays for the upkeep of everything including the woman. On top of all these fortunate events, this woman has recently received an additional $100 K from her ex husband due to a lawsuit over their nasty divorce on top of the alimony and all other stuff. My sister said that her house was drenched in a special plant and that she had secretly confided in my sister that all of this has happened to her due to the vigor of this plant and that she swears by its power. My sister did not know the name of the plant, but she described it as well as she could and urged me to go get some for my house.

My delightful sister researched the power of this plant further and informed the always skeptical me, that our second cousin from my father’s half brother aunt from the neighbor side, who declared bankruptcy a couple of years ago has built a mansion next to the bay with a docking port for his boat in a most upscale area. His 5 acre garden looks like heaven on earth and is photographed in a couple of magazines and guess what, most of the foliage is the plant in discussion.

Full of hope, faith and conviction, I went to a garden center and explained the plant to the vendor and asked for his help to locate it. Based on my sister’s description, we thought that we had identified the correct plant which came in various colors. The vendor, who by now was my buddy and knew the reason of my purchase, advised me not to mess with luck and fate, and to buy whatever color available in the store. 4t plus + + dollars later, I came home with almost a cart full of this foliage and planted them in my yard and house and started waiting optimistically.

Present….Whom am I kidding? This plant could not even get me a promotion that I was hoping for with only a couple of thousand dollars raise, forget about mansions, Tiffanies and SUV cars!
I even thought about divorce and getting some fortune out of that, but with my luck, I will be ending paying alimony, forget about getting money from my husband!!
I could find a sugar daddy after the divorce to provide for me, but I wonder if I did not want to do it the first time before I was married and younger, how can I do it the second time around while I am 4t+?
I could open a business, live lavishly and take loans and pay myself big salaries and bonuses and not pay the debts and the creditors. I could expense my house and car payments to the company and then declare bankruptcy. I could then lay low for a while and rise back build me a mansion and find a lot of rich friends and publicity. I could, can’t I?
As I see it, the only person who financially benefited from this plant ordeal is the vendor in the garden center. He went home with a decent amount of cash, my cash, and I ended up with a bunch of foliage and a false hope that kept me sanguine for a while.
However, I have to admit, that my garden looks mighty good! My family and I enjoy long conversations over tea and coffee sitting on the patio that is decorated with these plants. And when I wake up every morning, almost well rested, my eyes open up to the plant that has attracted some new species of birds to our humble garden and cheerful colors to our cozy home. It makes me appreciate the simple things in life. Of course I can always appreciate a Rolex watch too, but it seems that this one has to wait for a while! A long while.

$$$$

2006-08-06T10:22:00.000-07:00

4t and 4teen are always awed by celebrities, however for different reasons.

Those of us who live in USA were privileged to hear about Mel Gibson’s arrest that made daily headlines and news across the country, despite the various wars, typhoons, global warming, Congo and more domestic and international news.

For those who do not know, last week, Mr. Gibson was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol; however, this was not the reason of the infamous broadcasts. He made headlines, because he made some anti-Semitic remarks to the arresting officer and that is why the media created a circus with this piece of news.

He has apologized for his comment and has blamed it on alcohol, but the truth of the matter is that he has to apologize for feeling that way, not for saying it. He can mask his anti-Semitism remarks, but he can not mask his beliefs. He can hate Jews as much as he wants, but can not blame his inadequacies, alcoholism or any other problem that he has on them. But the way I see it, this is not about Jews or Gentiles, it is about $$$$.

He has an ulterior motive. Do you remember his movie about Christ? Do you recall the controversy around that? All he had to say was that his movie was not made to blame to Jews for the death of Jesus; and the media did the publicity for him for free. He cashed big bucks on that movie without spending much on advertising.

Mr. Gibson is a shrewd businessman and he is doing it again. He is using the Jews AGAIN to promote his upcoming movies. The irony of the matter is that he dislikes Jews, but he has no problem using them to get free attention and publicity.

40t plus choices

2006-07-30T15:45:00.000-07:00

Last night we agreed, that is me and the 4teen year old, that summer is indeed going by very fast. They dread the school days in the coming September and I another birthday in October.
Choice is a wonderful thing to have. Where I grew up, we barely had any choice of anything. Ice cream came only in vanilla flavor, forget about forty one flavors. Shoes came in the color black for winter and white for summer. We had two basic channels on TV that started broadcasting after 4:30pm with no cable and we watched whatever was on. After school activities were homework, reading and more reading in absence of homework. Arts and sports were for lazy and the idle. And that is just a basic sample of my choice less childhood. It was never a boring life, it was simply alternative less. I bet you do get my drift.
I used to think that having too many choices caused disorientation and confusion (no brain washing involved). I religiously believed that this is the reason that I never needed a therapist or a shrink and almost never hated my mother. I assumed that lack of choice made my mental path clear and undisturbed by the monster of doubt.
Now at 4tplus, the monster of doubt is haunting me and I have changed my mind as it is my privilege. And that is how I look at it:
The process of choosing what to eat for lunch out of a four page menu, may seem too funny of an example, but look at it this way: you take your time, study and ponder about the food options and then you choose. When the choice is made and the food is ordered, you have to eat it. Of course in some places you can still exchange if you do not like what you opted, but the point is that you choose and you live with the consequence. From that experience you learn to assume responsibility for your action and deal with the decree.
I bet some of you are laughing at me right now, and that is because you had always choices in your life. But I am not done yet, bear with me. From childhood one is groomed to make choices indirectly all the time. And in the process, as one grows, they make mistakes, learn about the experience, share the dos and don’ts and learn how to choose to their liking. This is how they learn to take control over their lives, something that I have blissfully failed to do most of my life.
It is easy to blame someone else when my life did not turn the way I wanted it. I chose my career based on what school was available to me, not where I want to go or what I wanted to become, therefore, my career unhappiness is blamed on a country that failed to provide enough and adequate opportunities for its population. But when I choose the career and at the end, this is not what I want to be, then I have to blame the person in my mirror and no one else. And that is my friend, the type of responsibility that I am talking about.
Through choices we find ourselves, we explore our likes and dislikes and hopefully along our way with the right guidance, we will become who we want to become. There is no better feeling than thinking that you are on top of the world and every thing is available to you in life, if you just hustled and attempted to get it. Not like me who still blames the circumstances for not becoming a lawyer. God knows that I would have made a darn good one too. I still may, do you think that at 4t plus it is still doable? If not, I know whom to blame!

Introduction

2006-07-24T08:13:00.000-07:00

Life is amazingly hilarious. As I age, I have started to realize that there is not much difference between me at 4tplus and a 4teen year old person. I believe that this is why most parents fight with their teenagers, not because they are different. On the contrary. They fight because they are very much the same and alike. Here is how I see it:

We both have active hormones that make us do weird stuff all the time. Mine is called menopause and theirs puberty.

We both are still growing, they taller and I sideways.

We are both distracted and forgetful; theirs is age related and guess what? So is mine!

They dye their hair to be hip; I dye mine to look young.

We are both bossed around, they by their parents and me by both parents and kids!

We both think that we know more than the other and assume the worse of each other, they consider me ignorant and I think they are boorish.

They are trying to find themselves and make sense out of life, and the thing is so am I!

We both have our own special attitudes, but I consider mine right and theirs wrong. Apparently so do they!

The bottom line is that I still am learning and growing inside and out. Isn’t that how they are? I still have difficulty making sense of many things that happen to me and the world on a daily basis. I am still not sure if my career is the right one, or I have the right husband. I don’t even know how good or bad of a job have I done as a mother. Aren’t they that insecure? Has much changed between 4t and 4teen?